What's Happening Next

"THE NEW AUTISM GURU" IS A BIG PILE OF NERVES

2008-08-15T00:40:00.003-04:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted but I've been ultra busy trying to finish up my old job. Sunday was the last day of my job as a full-time employee. I am going to stay on part-time (one, maybe two at the most) days a week of family training and supervision. Monday started training at my new job. I got a position as a special education teacher in the autism program in a non-public school. I'm so excited about the school, the program, everything. The school is like no other I've ever taught at or been in for that matter. From the moment you walk in, you think is this a school. From the vibrant colors on the walls, the nontraditional furniture (table cloths and place mats in the dining room) to the individualized and abundant technology, I was hooked. What really sold me was when the educational director (fancy title for principal) said to me, if you're someone who needs structure, control, or anything like that you will not survive hear. We are true believers in controlled chaos as if someone has an idea, we'll try it out. I immediately thought I've got to have this job and when after a discussion about my past experiences with community outings, he started calling it my class (i.e. "your class does this, your class that.") I prayed that it would be mine. An email that Friday evening thanking him for the interview and expressing my interest, I received a reply later that night from his home email account saying "We loved you, we think you'll be a great fit. If you don't hear from HR by Wednesday, CALL ME!!!" Yippee!!!

So for the past four days, I have been freezing my hiney off in trainings (yes, I've been wearing a wool sweater jacket in 90 degree weather) with other newbies from all 3 campuses, 2 group homes, and a foster program. Today was the first day, I actually had a whole conversation with someone who's going to be on my campus and possibly a part of my team.

Tomorrow (or later today actually) is my first "real" day of work. Training is over and all staff come back. I AM SO NERVOUS!!! I don't know where my classroom is, I wasn't even sure where I was supposed to report first thing in the morning. Plus every time this week I've met someone new, they get all excited and call me the Autism Guru (it's a school with mostly emotionally disturbed kids that is hoping to expand their autism program - hence why they wanted me for my experience to make that expansion happen). That's a lot to live up to. I'm still trying to get in the routine of getting up early and instead of sleeping at 12;45 (up in 6 hours). My stomach is tied in knots. I feel like a little kid going to her first day of school in a new town.

LIFE JUST ISN'T FAIR SOMETIMES

2008-07-26T11:15:00.002-04:00

I promise to post very soon about what's going on in the job front, I just feel kind of bad being excited about that when a horrible thing has happened this week. A previous student of mine, who happens to be the son of a friend of mine, passed away this week. Christopher was twelve years old and had cerebral palsey. I had him when he was eight and he was pretty bad off then, in a wheelchair, feeding tube, non-verbal, etc. He ended up getting so bad and difficult to take care of that his mother, who is divorced from his father and hurt her back, had to give him custody because she just couldn't lift him anymore and do the physical aspect of Christopher's care. By this time, he was on oxygen. This weekend, Christopher had what the doctors think, to be a stroke and a heart attack. AT TWELVE!!! The was clinically dead for about 20 minutes before they could get him back. His kidneys shut down and he just wasn't doing all that well. All the family could do was bring him home and wait for his little body to give up his fight. Tuesday night his little body just finally gave in. Today is the viewing/funeral service.
This isn't the first student I've lost, it's been a previous student passes on every year for the past five years. It just doesn't seem fair that children that young have to fight so hard for everything. Fight to communicate, fight to move, fight to breathe, fight to live. Most of the time it makes me feel lucky for all I have, today I just feel sad for his parents and all the parents out there who fight with their children, sad for me and very jaded.

Rest in peace Christopher. I hope your up their running around, eating all the food you used to turn your head towards the smell of and just playing and having fun. You're so going to be missed down here!!!

AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!

2008-07-16T12:12:00.001-04:00

I AM A GIANT STRESS BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(that's it...that's all I have to say)

Cross Your Fingers, Toes And Every Other Crossable Body Part For Me

2008-07-13T18:00:00.002-04:00

As said in my previous post, I'm absolutely miserable at my job so I'm doing the job search. Dang I really hate interviewing. Well Friday I went on an interview with a non-public school that I absolutely loved. The atmosphere was so homey, not at all an institutional school feel. The walls are various colors (blue, purple, pink, etc). The cafeteria uses real dining tables, placemats, etc. Just a completely homey feel. While I was waiting for the Director of Educational Services (a.k.a. principal) for fifteen minutes, everyone who walked by smiled and said hello. The meeting with the principal went great. We had a fabulous rapport, alot of the same experiences, values, etc. When he brought out the schedule he was thinking about for the kids, I got my mojo going and started rambling off ideas for the program. He called down the rooms assistant and started calling it "my class" (good sign right??). So apparantly it's an ED (emotionally disturbed school) that has a few kids with autism in it but they're looking to expand the program. The just got funding that there would never be any more than 5 kids per classroom (right now they have 8). My class would start with 3, the lowest functioning class (my specialty). He said that they're looking for someone to help expand the program. He was just that morning, after our interview, meeting with money people to get funding to knock out a wall to open up a new wing so they can expand the autism program. He kept saying my experience would be great for that and would have lots of room for advancement. Unfortunately the money people got there early so he had the assistant give me a tour and said he would call me later. As I left, the assistant, who I adored, said that she would "see me in a couple of weeks."
When I left there I knew that was the place I'm supposed to go. I'm a person that goes with my gut a lot and my gut was screaming, this is it. Friday night, I got home and send the principal a thank you email and about an hour later, from his phone email I got an email that said
"We loved you! Great interview! You seem like a great fit!
I have made my recommednations to HR; I believe you should hear from
early next week. if you have not, please call"

WOO-HOO!!!! Now, we just have to pray that the salary that they'll offer, or will negotiate to pay, will be what I need to make! So like I said, keep your fingers, toes and every other crossable body part crossed for me.

I'll let you know what happens!!!

Sucky, sucky (and not in a good way)

2008-07-06T21:18:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm sorry to all that I haven't been blogging lately but I've been in a piss-ass mood and not fit for company. So why the piss-ass mood

1. Work: That's the major reason. I knew when I took this job that it would be some funky hours and that I can deal with. What I can't deal with is having funky hours, not having a life AND being a verbal punching bag. The good thing about this year in my job is that I have decided that I definitely do not want to own my own autism agency and I miss teaching. So I have been sending out resumes with avengence hoping to find a new job. I just can't take it anymore. I'm miserable.

2. love life: or lack there of. I have my once a month date with the Guy With No Future. Nice guy, we have a good time together but he has two kids he hasn't seen in over a year. In my book, that is not a guy that I can have a future with. However, I have decided that why does every date have to be with someone with a future? So I have a once a month date with The Guy With No Future, mostly once a month cause his schedule is busier than mine (he manages a restaurant and works tons).

3. Overall Mood: BAD, BAD, BAD. I'm bitter, angry, and I cry a lot. Overall I suck. I spent last week, going back to smoking. I quit smoking in 2000 and now I'm a drunk smoker. When i've had two much to drink, I steal cigarettes, take two or three puffs and say "ewww, I don't want this." (It's actually funny, I've taken cigarette's out of male strangers mouths at bars - and have never gotten decked, sometimes funny looks but normally then a conversation....my theory is if I steal a cigarette out of your mouth, I'm obliged to talk with you). Last week, I was so upset and stressed, I smoked like a chimney. I even went out and bought a pack. Last night, I bought another pack and was sitting a friends house watching a movie, when I thought "what the heck am I doing" and gave her the cigs.

So basically life sucks big time!!!!

A GRRRR kind of day

2008-06-03T09:34:00.002-04:00

Friday afternoon I had periodontal surgery. Something about pushing back muscles in my mouth and moving tissue to cover it. I'm not sure. I'm a firm believer in the less I know, the less chance I'll have of passing out because you've made me sick (nope being a dr, nurse, etc, is not in the cards for me). Friday, I had novacaine mouth, so I felt fine. Saturday, little sore but really okay. Sunday lot more sore but surviving. Yesterday and today I feel like crap and I look like a chipmunk from the swelling. It's perfectly normal, the nurse said that could happen, I just didn't plan for that. So basically I'm in pain today and popping extra stregnth tylenol. A bad day to start with but oh it's getting worse.
Today I have to drive 2 1/2 hours for a one hour school visit (actually 5 total because I have to get home). This visit I was supposed to do with my boss but, of course, she had another drama and got back from Wisconsin late last night so isn't going to come with me. I know I sound totally unsympathetic but, seriously, so would you when you're dealing with someone who has drama after drama after drama. I know they're all totally justifiable but still I can't take it anymore. I can't take feeling like a bitch anymore and that's what I feel like. She has drama and totally takes it out on me, hence the jeckel and hyde nickname I have for her. When someone always has something new going on in their lives, it's just hard to be sympathetic and I've always been considered a sympathetic/empathetic kind of person. Something has got to give.
So, now, I have to finish getting dressed and drive 2 1/2 hours, see my kiddo at his residential school for an hour, maybe stop at the outlets to wander around for a bit with no money, then drive 2 1/2 hours home, all the while popping tylenol and praying for my bed. Yippee, it's gonna be a fun day

CHI-TOWN HERE I COME

2008-05-22T13:42:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm hopping on an airplane to Chicago for a work conference. My boss (hopefully Jeckle and not Hyde, whichever the nice one is) and I will be spending Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the conference, leaving 8am Monday morning (Guess who's going to sleep all day when she gets back???). I'm hoping that this is a good trip and my boss and I get along well. I'm been contemplating changes and I think this trip may confirm the necessity of the change or whether I can wait until a close to perfect change comes up. Wish me luck and hope for me, that I get to see some of Chicago, especially since I've never been.

My Thirty-third Year

2008-05-17T09:54:00.002-04:00

Tuesday was the start of my 33rd year. So far the year has been a lot of fun, the year of awesome time with friends. Tuesday night I went out to dinner and lots of drinks with MB and Con. We had so much fun, probably way too much fun but isn't that what girls night should be about, tons and tons of laughs. Plus on Saturday night we got together at MB's with Nancy. Also, one of the friends of Toyota Guy's that I got custody of in the break-up came out with his absolutely adorable 5 year old son. Kind of makes me long for kids but I'm trying to make year 33 the year of fun.
Also, at the end of the 32nd year I decided to cut out of my life, completely, Toyota Guy. He got involved with some goofy shit I was doing with a few friends and tainted it. I've decided to stop selling my soul for cheap car service. Guess I'll have to find a new mechanic now.
As for dating, I'm trying to casually date this guy I met on eharmony. It's one of those casual no future type things that I'm trying to do but I'm not sure how well I do at that. Why is it I want casual with a guy and I think he actually really likes me. The guy has way too much baggage to be a future material, yet I'm think he actually likes me. I invited him over to my house Tuesday night after I got home, completely zonked out of my mind. Afterall I was laying in bed bored and drunk and he was home watching tv bored. Why can't we be bored together? So after 15, are you sure on his end, he came over. I just unlocked the door and stumbled back into bed. He was so flipping funny, took him 25 minutes to sit on the bed, 25 minutes to not sit on the bed at the edge of the bed and 20 minutes to lay on the bed next to me. Now, I know he's attracted to me (trust me I know) and yet, he wouldn't make a single move (not even a kiss) cause I was completely drunk (apparantly alcohol was seeping out of my pores, even though I had showered and brushed my teeth). This in the grand scheme of life is very, very, sweet but in the casual dating arena kind of annoying, especially when he's not a guy I want for futuristic long-term dating. Aaargh...I really hate dating!!

However, I still fully intend for the 33rd year of my life to be awesome!!!

Drama, drama, drama

2008-05-07T12:39:00.002-04:00

I will never undertand how people let themselves have so much drama in their lives. Why do they not realize that drama has one simple cause, BAD CHOICES. If you think about things and make better choices, the drama subsides. Everyone makes their own drama and everyone has control over fixing their own drama. Simple solution: make better choices.

THE GIRL CAN JUST NOT CATCH A BREAK!!!

2008-04-22T23:45:00.002-04:00

People ask me why I'm putting myself out there and doing this on-line dating thing. I can tell you exactly why, it's because a girl needs more in her life than just work. It's just like I was saying this evening speaking with a friend, when the professional side of you is the only thing you've got that's going right, when there are work issues, your life just plain old sucks. That is what the mood is stemming from but that's not an issue I'm ready to discuss (or may ever be ready to discuss in this forum).

My issue of this moment is that this on-line dating thing is for me, it's not a work thing. The only mention of work, is when discussing what my passions are my work does tend to be one of them. With a profession like mine, if you're not passionate about it, you'ld better find something else to do in a completely different line. So for me, work does not co-incide with on-line dating.....that is until today!!!!

So on eharmony you can either do this guided communication where you have to answer 5000 and one questions before you can send your own message. I think it's apretty good way to weed people out but I'm digressinbg. So you can either enter in the question marathon or you can fast track it, meaning bypassing the question marathon and going directly to emailing. This evening while checking my eharmony account, I got a fast track request from a new potentioal match. Curious I opened it. Dang darn it....my two damm worlds just collided. It was some match, who prefaces that this isn't a line and who doesn't know about dating potential but who wants more info about autism because his ex-wife is suspecting that their son has autism. Awww f**k time to switch modes. Dang-it, yes I'll help out, give me a call to discuss but I'm seriously thinking that I never wanted these worlds to collide and can't you just leave me the f**k alone. Don't you think that a girl just needs time to be a vulnerable girl and not a kick-ass strong professional

Why is it that I just can't catch a break and leave work at work?? Why must it follow me everywhere I go???

Beware...mood!!!

2008-04-22T11:23:00.002-04:00

I am in a pissed off, horrible, bite your head off kind of mood. Been this way since Sunday evening and the bad vibes are just not floating off. I may even stay like this for a few more days. Everyone else is entitled to their bad pissy mood aren't I? At least I'm retreating instead of taking it out on whoever crosses my path. Really...it's just a GRRRRR kind of week.

BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW ROCKS AT THEM

2008-04-08T22:31:00.003-04:00

So turns out the guys with the lazy drawl had a good excuse for blowing me off. He went to Virginia for training, broke his phone and couldn't get a new one until Saturday morning so couldn't call. I can see that, especially since the charging mechanism on my phone broke Monday am and since they couldn't transfer the numbers and I've been too lazy to put my new charger in my old phone to write down the numbers, I still owe some people a couple of phone calls. So I'm willing to give him another chance.
Now I spoke to him for a couple of minutes on Saturday (he woke me up from a nap so I didn't feel like talking), a text message on Saturday, 40 minutes on Sunday, 5 text messages today and A 45 minute chat tonight, yet he still hasn't asked me out again. Why is this? Am I just being stupid? Is he just not that interested in me? Am I just a bitter, hateful dating person and need to just give him some time or what?

I REALLY JUST HAVE TO SAY I HATE DATING!!!!!!!

Deliberately And Incosiderately Rude With A Lazy Drawl

2008-04-04T19:24:00.002-04:00

I went out on Monday evening with the guy with the Lazy Drawl to Dave and Busters. I actually had a very nice night with what I thought was a nice guy. We ate dinner, played games, had lots and lots of laughs. When we ran out of money on the card for playing games, he asked whether I wanted to play more games or go see a movie, since it was 9:45 I said let's play more games (too late for a movie on a Monday night). We played some more games until 10:30 and then I said I had to start getting home. At the end of the night I got a hug and kiss on my cheek with remarks that he had a lot of fun and we should do that again. Mutual on my part. Had the saga just ended there I could have just chalked this up to a nice one time date.
So I drove home from the date talking to Con, letting her know I was alive, nobody shot me, and it was a nice time with a nice guy when the guy with the lazy drawl beeped in. Suprised, I told Con I'ld call her back. He said he just wanted to call to say that he had a lot of fun and asked me out for Friday night. I said sure, that I had to work until 6ish but let's do something afterwards and to call me during the week. I called Con back shocked but happy looking forward to friday night. Well Friday morning hits and I haven't heard anything from him so I sent him a text "r we still on 4 tonite, call me and let me know". Well, it's 7:45 and no peep.
Now I'm sorry but that really is just totally deliberately and inconsiderately rude!! Why would you do something like that? Just plain old deliberately and incosiderately rude!!!!!!!!!!!! HMMPH!!

And So It Begins With A Lazy Drawl

2008-03-30T21:37:00.002-04:00

Like I've said once before I have started on-line dating again through eharmony. Well, tomorrow evening I have my first, first date with the guy with the lazy drawl. We've been talking for a few weeks now, sometimes by voice sometimes by text due to both of our crazy schedules. He seems funny which is important to me and he has a job (another important factor - he's a former chef and now manages a chain restaurant). Plus, he's got a lazy southern drawl since he's from Missouri. For some reason a guy with an accent is sexy to me. So we were talking on Saturday and when I mentioned that I didn't have any visits today, Monday, he asked me out. So last night he called about going to opening day at Camden Yards today which I immediately said yes to (no thought to the logistical aspect, it's baseball afterall) so he was going to go and see if he could buy tickets this morning. However, the logistics of it all came to be in the middle of the night (aka how/where do you meet a stranger at the ball park on opening day when you don't have the tickets, is it safe to drive with someone you don't know, can I walk all that way from the parking lot to stadium (at least a mile) with my ankle, can I walk lot of stairs with my ankle and without a railing without looking like an ass? Then I woke up this morning and it's cold with a horrible misty rain (that picks up then goes back to mix). Not baseball weather so I called to see if he bought tickets yet. Luckily he was still lying in bed thinking about the horrible rain and the un-fun factor of going to the baseball game in it. So we reschedule for tonight going to Dave and Busters (www.daveandbusters.com) a restaurant/game place.
Wish me luck and like I said, so the dating game begins with a lazy drawl

Chopped

2008-03-11T10:44:00.003-04:00

Well I did it...I chopped all my hair off. Much, much better. No time to write, right now but I figured I'ld post a pic of the new do.
Until later when I have time to write!!!

Lost Girl

2008-02-26T12:25:00.002-05:00

Somewhere, and I can't pinpoint where or when, I've lost myself. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror and have come to realize that I'm not happy with the person I'm looking at in the mirror. I'm still a good person, daughter, friend, etc. My morals are still in tact. However, the outside me and the caring about me is lost. I've been complaining lately that all I do is work but really that's my own fault. I seem to have forgotten who I am, except for work. I don't know if it was when I was being comfortable in being in a long-term for me relationship. Whether it was losing that comfort. Whether it was taking a new job with more responsible and having to focus on learning that. Or whether it was when I broke my ankle and had to be confined to live with my mother for three months. More likely it was just a combo of all those things and more but a gradual change. Since I can't live like this anymore and I am definitely one who feels the need to change things that just wallow and live with them. I'm going to start working on it and start focusing on me.

1. I went shopping on Saturday night and bought new make-up. I'm going to make it my point to put on make-up every day that I leave the house.

2. On Thursday, I'm getting a whole new do and getting my wild and crazy eye brows waxed.

3. This weekend, I am going to turn the empty room in the basement into a gym. Time to pull out the treadmill and slowly start working on that. I say slowly because my ankle is still recovering. I'm also going to start doing pilates again which will be gentle on my ankle.

4. Since I've just done my taxes and am actually doing pretty well this year. I'm going to take a little bit of it and go shopping. I've decided it's time to stop buying cheaper clothes that are just going to have to be replaced every year and instead buy simple more expensive pieces that are made well.

I know that all this stuff sounds so shallow but sometimes you just need to fix the outside. The better the outside, the more it will seep into the inside. I just need to start caring more about myself and like the person again I'm looking in the mirror at.

All work and no play is making cosmopolgirl a cranky girl

2008-02-17T11:00:00.003-05:00

In the past four weeks, I have had two days off. The first day off was Superbowl Sunday. Unfortunately, I had to go to my boss's hubby's 50th suprise bday party. Had to leave the house at 12 to get balloons and then go to the party. So first day off, I accomplished nothing. The other day off was this past Wednesday but that seriously does not count because I was supposed to work but cancelled because I had a migraine. Basically I spent the day in bed.
The reason for this post, I'm cranky. I need something in my life besides work. Not that I have time for anything but work. I shouldn't complain, I did have three months off due to a broken ankle but still. My job isn't always like this, it's really just now like this because I need to hire some staff in one county so I've been helping a family out and we've had staff meetings.
The positive, staff meetings are over until trainings in April, I am interviewing three possible candidates next week and next Sunday I'm scheduled for a day off.
However, now I have to go shower and got over to work with a kid from 12-3(maybe 4, depending on how motivated I am. At this moment I really don't even want to go)

THERE REALLY NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING MORE TO LIFE THAT WORK, DOESN'T THERE????

My personality profile - Agreeableness

2008-02-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

So the funny thing about this eharmony thing is the personality profile. The scary thing is that I think some of its pretty close on point, some not so much but it's interesting reading,So, I'll spend the next week posting to you parts of my profile
(my comments in bold)

Agreeableness

You are best described as:
TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

Words that describe you:
Fair
Considered
Collaborative
Responsive
Sensible
Diplomatic
Contemplative
Indulgent
Rational

A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.

You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don't take good care of yourself, you'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion. You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself. except that I haven't had a day off in three weeks, trying to take care of others

When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty. This has taken a long time to learn but I do think I'm getting better at this

You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to you. It's frequently a win/win situation. Basically, I stress until I come up with an answer

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
For people who are ruled by tender-hearted compassion, your more diplomatic response to problems might seem too cool, too focused on fairness and not filled enough with sympathy and selflessness.

For them, when someone's life is on fire, what is needed is not collaboration but rescue. And the person who experiences their life on fire may resent the time you take to contemplate. "I need you, and I need you NOW! This isn't about fairness, it's about the fire." "All deliberate speed" may seem too deliberate and not fast enough, either to the more compassionate or to people in genuine trouble.

At the other end of the spectrum of compassion, those who believe people should take care of themselves may find even your thoughtful sympathies too soft. They expect people, themselves included, to work their own way out of trouble. They are convinced that the helping hand you lend just fosters dependence and is not good for the development of character, either in you or in the person you assist. I find this more than the other

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many people, perhaps the majority, will come to appreciate your balance as a compassionate person. The more they get to know you, the more they will admire your thoughtful compassion for others and its compliment in the sensible ways you take good care of yourself. hey I'm balanced....yeah right??

Those whom you help will appreciate the way you leave them with their dignity by expecting them to collaborate in their own rescue. Those who are more tender-hearted will find in you a balance they lack; when they've run out of energy because they fail to take good care of themselves, you will still have enough compassion left to lift others out of trouble.

Even the tough-hearted, those who believe people should solve their own problems, might come to admire your tenderness which they don't find in themselves. So the people you help will be grateful, and the people who see your balance between self and others will admire you. Certainly, balanced is not bad at all as a way to be known among your friends.

In Harmony with eharmony????

2008-02-10T19:23:00.000-05:00

So I've decided it's time to get back in the saddle again. My foot is sorta healed, meaning I don't really limp around like a moron until the end of the day. (on a side note as soon as the swelling goes down and I can fit into shoes other than sneakers I'm have a shoe-fest) I'm just feeling like my life is together enough to start dating again.
So I've done it again. I've signed up for on-line dating. This time, however, I've decided to post a profile on eharmony. So far I've gotten 15 matches since Thursday. However, five of them have sent me closed messages for "I'm pursuing another relationship" and "other" reasons. What "other" means is beyond me? The other 10 I haven't heard from yet. I did make the first move because I figured why be coy and wait for them to contact me first. So we'll see what happens! Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll start having some good stories to tell!!

GOOD-NIGHT MY LOST LOVE

2008-02-05T21:33:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder whether there’s a big neon arrow in the sky pointing to your head flashing “Wacko’s welcome.” Really, is it me? Single girls out there must know what I’m talking about. My dating life (or lack there-of) seems to be a big giant joke.
So, TG and I are broken up, been that way since summer-time. I’m great with it. Perspective gained: I deserve a hell of a lot better but I will not completely cut him out of my life because he’s a really good Toyota mechanic who works on my car for cheap. I know that’s kind of sleazy of me but I drive for work, A LOT. I need an oil and filter change every other month. Jiffy Lube $39.95, TG $10. He only charges me for parts plus throws in a whole hell of a lot of stuff with it. So when he instant messages me, I chat. I say no every time he asks to come see my house, I say no every time he asks if I want to grab something to eat, I just say no. Since the “break-up” I’ve become friends with his friend, who will otherwise be known as Hot Uncle B. (There’s daddy B too, another friend of TG’s I’ve inherited. Sometimes I think Hot Uncle B and Daddy B share a brain). I was on a two hour phone call with Hot Uncle B a couple of weeks ago for a while (it was a snowy day and he was stuck in traffic) when he, out of no-where asks me if I’d get back together with TG. No thought….just a big hell no on my part. (I think I was a little bit more tactful but, maybe not). I told him that I just think that TG needs to grow up and I deserve better, he completely agreed and understood (Hot Uncle B just got separated can’t date him YET). So, since he brought it up, I asked, why the sudden interest? Apparently TG must have said something about missing me and a whole bunch of b-s like that.
Fast forward to super bowl Sunday. I went to my boss’s hubby’s surprise bday/super bowl party. Got there at 2, by half-time I was exhausted and went home after half-time. So I’m home, goofing around on the computer and I start get a whole bunch of text messages from a drunk TG. He was watching the super bowl with a bunch of friends and wanted to see how I was doing. I texted him back, I’m fine, okay, okay, okay. Then things start getting weird cause I asked why he was texting me when he’s hanging out with friends? Cause he misses me. WHATEVER! I told him “not appropriate” and it’s time to move on with his life, I have. So I get I’m sorry texts, I’m drunk, forgive me. Then I went to go take my shower before bed. Back to the phone, after my shower, a text from TG that says “Goodnight my lost dear.” What the hell is that?
Now, I don’t know what to do. Do I ignore it and continue to im him when he im’s me so I can continue to get cheap car service or do I need to just suck it up and find a new mechanic. I don’t want to get back together with him. I’ve moved on. What do you do when you’ve moved on but someone else, apparently, hasn’t? Is it my problem to do something (or not do anything anymore) or is it his problem? Questions? Questions? Questions?

On a side note, I’ve started internet dating again so my blog should start to get interesting again. Stay tune…story later this week about the weird phone call I had yesterday with the “Jew from Texas.”

I'm Walking On Sunshine

2008-01-22T14:06:00.000-05:00

Well, okay, not sunshine but, at least walking without the brace. Surgery went fine on Friday. I was actually home by 10:30am after an 8am surgery. I tried walking upstairs today with alternating feet but that hurt like heck. So I guess it's still up with the good and down with the bad. Anyways, gotta run to a visit. I'll post more later about something a little more interesting than my foot. Later gaters!!

The Catastrophy Is Almost Over

2008-01-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

Well my foot catastrophy is almost over. Tomorrow morning I got into the hospital to get one of six pins taken out. After that I should be able to get out of the brace and walk normally. I am so looking forward to being able to take steps with alternating feet. It's a 45 minute procedure, hour in recovery and then home. Not sure on how long recovery at home is. Wish me luck tomorrow. I'll post more after the pins out!!

Michelleology

2008-01-08T19:28:00.000-05:00

Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name followed by "ology."

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. honey mustard

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. no real favorite...burger kind is okay....is Panera fast food

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A: Love Longhorn Steakhouse

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 20% about

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A. grilled vegis

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. white pizza with mushrooms

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. butter and strawberry jelly

TECHNOLOGY

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: max on the laptop some beach scene on desktop
Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A: 2

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. right

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. bone from my head

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. the leaf blower

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. nope

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. i don't think so

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A.i like my name

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. red and bright colors

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. yep

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. not really

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. yep

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. sure

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. ewwww....no way that would bleed

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. sorry but yes

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. that would pay off my house so sure why not?

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. probably not, I'ld end up in the hospital

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. nah, I feel guilt

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A. nothin

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: NO!!!!!! I do not understand that movie

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: hardwood except steps and basement

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A depends

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: 5 i think unless sandals count

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: been a while

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: a mommy

Lastology

Q: Last Friend you talked to?
A: margie

Q: Last person who called u?

A: a mother of one of my clients

Q: Person you hugged?
A: a mother of one of my clients

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 13

Q: Season?
A: fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: yep

Q: Mood?
A: okay

Q: Listening to?
A: max's paws wandering on hardwood floor

Q: Watching?
A. the computer screen

Q: Worrying about?
A. life in general

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A. host girls night on Friday

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A. Borne Identity (yes identity...the first one)

Q: Do you smile often?
A: even when i don't mean it

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: i think so

The Secret

2008-01-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I received a book from a friend; one of those self-help books. A friend of hers told her about this book and said that it changed her life. It's called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I've started the book and, well frankly, I don't see what the big secret is about this book. It's all about the power of positive thinking; that if you think positively, positive things will happen. Why is this a big deal? Why is this the "secret" that they are sharing. Who really cares? I'm hoping that this book gets better because as of half-way through it's a big bunch of bull-shit. What I really would like to know is how this person says that this changed her life. It's common sense. I don't know, I just needed to rant. I'm beginning to this self-help books are just a bunch of crap, just stating the obvious. What do you think?

A YEAR IN REVIEW

2008-01-01T20:17:00.001-05:00

So with the first of 2008 upon us, it's time to reflect back on the previous blogger year. It was a slow year so I'm hoping that I have enough to say.

January: I finally posted a picture of myself. Not the prettiest of pictures but a picture none the less. I reflected on issues between men and women. It's not enough to say you care, you have to show it. In the end, that issue is what ended my relationship with Toyota Guy.

February: TG and I drove to New York to see a friend of mine who had a valentine baby and stayed with my parents. It was actually a great weekend, except for leaving in the snow panic. My job was going well except for all the school closings. The house was freezing (turns out the radiator was broken) and I got back a big whopping $25 in taxes.

March: I admitted my reality addiction and complained, pathetically, about Sangia still being on American Idol which meant I was out of the pool at work. I, also, complained about the inevitable (not sure what that was about).

April: I told everyone that in June I was going to be leaving a job that I enjoyed but that bored me. I, also, booked my cruise with TG. My brother also moved in with me. He was supposed to be cleaning in lie of rent money. That didn't happen but he was still a pretty good roomie.

May: My birthday sucked. The beginning of the end. I went on a cruise that had a lot of fun.

June: June gave you pictures from the cruise. I had no time to post being crazy busy with tne new job.

July: July, July, July was a depressing month for me. TG and I ended it and I tried to cope with my decision.

August: In August I continued to try to cope and finally prevailed by starting to house hunt.

September: Was all about the new house, the hunting, the bids, the setback and the relief of finally knowing it was all going to be mine.

October. No posts in October but it was a month of high-highs and low-lows. I settled on my first house. Decided to paint for the first time in my life. Got the office done and was almost finished with the master bedroom when boom. I fell on the ladder and broke my ankle. I ended up needing surgery and had a plate and six screws placed in my ankle. I did move into my new house on time.

November: I reported my fall and got a shoe for my cast.

December: In December, I didn't post about it but got my cast off. I got a brace which I currently am wearing. My mother, after eight weeks of living with me, went home and I finally got to live in my new house on my own. I, also, made a resolution to blog every week in 2008.

So that's it. My 2007!! Here's to a great 2008!!!

resolution

2007-12-28T22:26:00.000-05:00

My New Years resolution for 2008 is going to be to blog about something once a week since it used to be something I really enjoyed. So I'll be back with avengence in the New Year. See ya then and until then........have fun!!!!!!!

Quick, quick update

2007-11-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update. I got a shoe for my cast so I am now walking around. Okay, slowly waddling around but I'm on my way to getting my life back. Five and a half weeks down....short time more to go! I HOPE!!

Wishes for everyone

2007-11-20T23:25:00.001-05:00

Have a Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

THESE THINGS REALLY ONLY HAPPEN TO ME!

2007-11-11T19:26:00.000-05:00

I know, I know it's been a while since I've written. Well, there are reasons for that. Things have been absolutely unreal and not in a good way. I settled on the new house in the middle of October, life, you would think, would be going well after that. All that fun of painting, packing, unpacking, organzing, etc. So, I started with the painting. Sky blue in the office, pale shrimp in the master bedroom, a light taupe in the living room/dining room area. I recruited a friend, a short friend, to help me paint. She started on the master bedroom, I started on the office. Everything was working out really well and moving smoothly along. Well, until it was time to switch so I can work on the top portion of the master bedroom. So I'm up on a ladder, ok if I'm going to be honest step-stool, and all of a sudden BOOM, I'm on the floor throbbing in pain. Next thing I know I'm crying cause I can't get out of the house and my friends called the ambulance to come and pick my swollen foot self up. Trust me it's swollen, a huge tomatoe perched itself on the side of my foot. A trip to the emergency room later, turns out it's broken. DANG!!

This not the end of it. Trip two days later to the Orthopedist, turns out it's shattered surgery for me! So, I hopped my way over to the hospital a few days later for ankle surgery, a plate and six screws later, I'm home.

So now I'm home and can't put any weight on the damm foot and have to move in two weeks. Well, mom and dad helped (ok did everything) and I am currently laying in my bed in my pale shrimp master bedroom. I still can't put any weight on the foot and hop around with a walker. I bounce down stairs on my hiney and crawl up stairs on my hands and knees. Sad thing is it will be about another month until I can be on my own. So I'm stuck back living with my parents and staring at boxes that I can't unpack because I can't wander around the room.

So this is my life, laying with the ankle elevated and staring at boxes, living my parents in my new house but not yet getting to enjoy it! Hopefully by the new year I'll get to enjoy my first house that I actually own!!

update

2007-09-25T23:12:00.000-04:00

replacement roof coming my way.....all set to settle on oct. 17. More to come as soon as I can get into the house and take pics. off to bed now!!

The Setback

2007-09-22T22:49:00.000-04:00

Home inspection was Friday. House in great condition except for the roof so now I wait. I have to see if the seller will fix the roof, if not the deal will fall through. I'll let you know when I hear back. More damm waiting!!

WAHOO

2007-09-17T21:13:00.000-04:00

Wahoo I'm gonna be a home owner. Bid accepted! More to come later!!!

AND IT'S IN

2007-09-16T21:41:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update....the bid went in at 2:30, by 4 I had a counter bid and at 7pm I put in another counter and now I wait............................ I'll let you know what happens. Nighty-night!!

My New Endeavour

2007-09-13T12:08:00.000-04:00

It's time for a change. The change has been eating at me for a while now. I've finally started the process. What change? A change in adulthood status. It's time to become an adult and stop renting. I am in the process of looking for my first house to own. Let me just tell you this is a part-time job. For a couple of months now, every other week, I go with my realtor to look at houses. It's exciting, it's nerve racking, it's busy. The good news is that a house that I liked a couple of weeks ago and was planning on going back to see on Saturday, just got reduced. It's reduced to the middle of my price range, which means I may be able to get it for my low price or damm near close. Besides, I'm a good candidate, I'm already pre-approved and ready to roll.
Here's some info on my, maybe, new house.

Condo/Townhome/Coop Property
Status: ACTIVE
Year Built: 1959
3 total bedroom(s)
1.5 total bath(s)
1 total full bath(s)
1 total half bath(s)
Three story
Type: End unit
Style: Contemporary, Townhouse
Master bedroom
Living room
Dining room
Kitchen
Basement
Hardwood floors
Heating features: Forced air
Central air conditioning
Interior features: Galley kitchen, Fully finished basement, Utility room, Vinyl flooring, Kitchen has vinyl floor, Bedroom(s) on upper level(s), Bathroom(s) on lower level
Exterior features: Public sewer service, Public water supply, Septic sewer system, Street parking
Exterior construction: Brick
Lot is 4463 sq. ft.
Approximately 0.1 acre(s)
Lot size is less than 1/2 acre

This is so exciting. I promise to keep you up-to-date....More to come after this weekend

Relief Spreads Like A Wild Fire

2007-09-02T22:16:00.000-04:00

It's been a month and the only thing I feel is relief. Relief that it is finally over and I can move on with my life. I know I should probably feel sad that it's official but I don't, I feel free. Free to move on with my life. Free for life to start back up again. The only regret I have is that I compromised who I was to make things work. Some things are just not meant to work and it's okay. It's okay to move on with your life. It's time to take things on that I never would have done before because I was waiting. Waiting for something better to start. Now I have a new start on my old wonderful life and I feel nothing but relief.

Things I type because I can't say them

2007-08-26T19:49:00.000-04:00

It didn't have to end up this way. It could have been better. Things could have worked out but you just couldn't speak. I don't understand it. I don't understand how you can be an adult but you can't speak about what is going on. You'ld rather just sit there with the big elephant in the room. I wanted to go on Saturday. I really, really did but what would it have accomplished. I probably would have walked away crying.
I keep thinking that I'm okay, I'm done crying. It'll be days and the tears have stopped and then all of a sudden for no reason they start again. I'm tired of the flowing. I'm tired of feeling so out of control.
If I were to at least know why things ended up this way, I may be better. I may be able to move on with my life. But I dont' know and you won't tell me. So I sit here and type these words for people I don't know to read them because the person I want to say them to won't speak.

Anger - I don't like this feeling and I don't like that I can't get the anger out. It's not fair. Why do you get to be fine and I get to cry. Why do you get to hear my thoughts but I don't get to hear yours. It's just not fair. I didn't do anything to desearve this treatment and if I did, I don't know it because you won't tell me. Why can't you just talk to me. Even if it doesn't resolve anything because I do realize that we may just be in two different places at this time, at least words make things end.

I am so angry that I can't call you when things go on. I'm so angry that you've taken 15 months of my life and it was worthless to you. It meant nothing and I don't want to hear that this is hard for you to because if it was you'ld speak, you'd be an adult and talk about things but you won't. You'll take the coward way out. Just like you took the coward way out to end this. You made me take this break thats really just a break up because you couldn't do it yourself. Why are you making me hate you? Why can't you be an adult in adult relationship? Why do I have to type in all my feelings to strangers instead of saying them to you? Why can't I be strong every day? I am so angry that you took fifteen months of my life and you can just walk away without saying a word!

My Life As A Song

2007-08-02T21:06:00.000-04:00

This is the song that describes my life at this moment!!

Music Video:LEAVE THE PIECES (by The Wreckers)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Let The Music Roar!!

2007-07-31T17:38:00.001-04:00

Have you ever noticed that your taste in music changes with your mood? When I'm happy, I listen to music that peps me up and I stay that way. When I'm sad, I listen to sad music. Most people would say that the sad music keeps me in that state but the truth is I think when life has handed you a shitty time you have to deal with it before you can move on. However you need to deal with it in your own darn time. Sad music keeps me from crying over the stuff I have to deal with. It focuses me on how others are feeling and then I don't have to deal with my own crap in my life. It keeps my emotions in check until I'm ready to deal with them. Then I can shut off the radio, cd, computer, etc. and deal with the emotions. Sometimes you just need to put them on the backburner and deal with them when you're ready. It doesn't mean I'm in denial, it just means that there are more appropriate times that others to deal with your life. Driving in the car while crying, not a good thing. Driving in the car, with the music so loud your car vibrates, singing with the windows wide open, much more appropriate. So, although music tends to be a link to my soul, it also help me with dealing with my soul when I'm ready too. Right now, I'm just not ready so let the music ROAR.

Because I Can't Say This To You

2007-07-30T22:38:00.000-04:00

Because I can't say this to you, I'm forced to cry my eyes out here. I can't tell you because you won't speak. You won't tell me what you're feeling. You'ld rather bottle them up so they end up hurting me because of your coldness. I never would have thought that you would be this cold. Cold enough where you can't even talk to me. You say this isn't easy for you but are you home crying your eyes out? Are you having to turn the radio in your car so far up so that you hurt your ears but, at least, that way you don't have to drive crying because you've thought of something that you just can't say? No instead you refuse to speak about what needs to be said. So I sis here and wait. Wait for you to speak while we are on this break. I don't even know what it means to be on a break. I don't do well in limbo. Why can you just not talk to me? Why hold it in? How can it be over fifteen months and you don't know how your feeling? How did it get this way without you speaking? How do I fix things if you just won't speak to me? So you don't speak about what's bothering you and you won't speak to me at all. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to know? Maybe this is something we need. Time to figure it all out but I hate this. I hate being in limbo. I hate not knowing. I have crying tears every day, every other hour. All because you won't talk about what's going on. So we sit here on this break, without speaking the words that need to be said and I sit here crying the words that I can't say to you, because if I don't get it out, I won't stop crying. Because you won't say words back to me.

Cruise slide show

2007-06-29T12:35:00.001-04:00

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

2007-06-25T20:53:00.000-04:00

I love this quote so I thought I would share it for those of you who don't know it!!

"Life is not about the number of breaths you take. Life is about the moments that take your breath away."

The Girly Quiz

2007-06-16T11:39:00.000-04:00

01. What color is your bra today?
white lace

02. Do you straighten your hair?
it's already straight....i don't have to straighten it and I'm too lazy to curl it

03. Do you worry about the size of your boobs?
nah...i like the size just wish they were perkier

04. Whats your favorite girly magazine?
Cosmo and Glamour

05. Do you wear clothes/shoes/jewelry that's uncomfortble?
the pain of being a girl...I HATE HEELS

06. Did you ever spend all day/night getting pretty for a guy?
for a big night out

07. Did you ever cry during a romantic movie?
I cry at tons of movies (even Scrooge....sniff-sniff)

08. Would you leave the house without makeup on?
like I said lazy!! so yes!!

09. Do you consider making out "unlady like"?
not at all

10. On the scale of 1-10 how fun is shopping?
depends what I'm shopping for....me clothes 5, clothes for others 8, other stuff 8

11. Are you spoiled?
for somethings

12. Do you think lipgloss is the best?
lazy, don't you get it

13. Do you freak out if you miss your favorite show?
nope...that's what DVR is for

14. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
half an hour ish

15. Do you wear sweatpants/pajama pants to school?
don't go to school but have worn pj's to the grocery store...a girl needs creamer for her coffee

16. Do you like skater boys?
what am I 12

17. Is pink the best color in the world?
love pink and red

18. Have you ever dressed unlike yourself to impress a guy?
nah....well unless you include make-up and heels unlike myself...but I just consider that a better version of myself

19. Do you often wish there was something you could change?
doesn't everyone???

20. Do you dress up too much for holidays?
nope!!!

21. Do you like to wear dresses?
in the summer...it's cool

22. On a scale of 1-10 how much do guys confuse you?
10, duh....do I look like a mind reader

23. In the past 24 hours have you hung out with a guy?
yes...we went to the Sheraton in the Inner Harbor, dinner, oriole game, and breakfast this morning for a Toyota event

24. Are you a frilly kind of girl?
not really!! sometimes though

Cruise in Review

2007-06-03T16:22:00.000-04:00

The Cruise Ship

The Grandeur of the seas!

inside the ship

the pool on the ship

views from the lounge --- can we say pomegrante cosmopolitan

more, inside the ship

Let's have some fun!

everyone loves to come back to their room to a towel animal

the midnight gala buffet

a chocolate dragon

it's food....butter I think

who knew how much fun you can have with cream cheese

Bermuda

tiger fish at the Aquarium in Bermuda

look up at the zoo in Bermuda....you're hanging out with the animals

inside the crystal caves

more inside of the caves....93 stairs down...you know what that means, don't you......phew!!

my idea of happiness in Bermuda

Ok.....these are the pictures from Toyota Guy's digital...my little old disposables have more of the people pics. I'll upload those when I get them developed (whenever that may be............)

I'M OFF!!!!!

2007-05-26T17:43:00.000-04:00

See you all! I'm off tomorrow for five days for a cruise to Bermuda. I'll take tons of pictures and try to figure out how to post them, I'll do so when I get back! Talk to you when i get back!!!!

The Snores They AREN'T A Comin!

2007-05-23T01:39:00.000-04:00

In less than five hours, I need to wake up. I am not the type of person who does just fine on less than seven to eight hours of sleep. I like sleep, appreciate sleep time and just plain old need it. I am a very busy person so I need my sleep at night to be able to make it through my busy days. So, why you ask (ok...the couple of you who still read my random blogs) am I still awake? WHO THE HECK KNOWS! I've been yawning since 10pm. I've been in bed for close to two hours. Yet I can't fall asleep.
I know why I probably can't sleep. It's because I am so busy this week that my mind can't slow down enough to relax enough to fall asleep. This week is my last week at my job. They hired someone to replace me. On Monday we left the office at 11am and didn't get done with visits and back to my house where her call was packed until 10p. Today I worked 9-5 and am insanely busy there trying to finish up so I don't leave any messes when I walk out the door for the last time on Friday. After work, I had to rush to introduce a family to the new woman I'm working for. The the new woman and I went to the local diner at 6:30 to meet a potential employee, interviewed her and had dinner. Potential employee left when it was still light out. Future employer and I started chatting about upcoming start date, June 4, and what will be going on, families I will be working with and a whole lot of other b-s stuff. Luckily there was a crying kid at the diner and we started to talk about how parents shouldn't take their 4ish yr olds out for dinner at close to 8:30pm. Look at the watch for exact time, reads 10:10pm. CRAP we got there at 6:30. Got home at 10:30pm and had to write a journal assignment for my on-line class. Because silly me forgot I signed up for an on-line class, gave my notice and then realize that the last week of my on-line class when the huge project is due is the same week that I will be tearing my hair out because it's the last week of work. Tomorrow I will leave the house at no later than 8am and run from visit to visit to visit until my last one which begins at 5:15. I won't be home tomorrow until after 7p. Fun of tomorrow on Thursday when I am going to be going nuts trying to catch up so I can end my career at my current job and there til late, I will have to be there even later writing up all of tomorrows visit. friday last day, have to pack my desk and be out of there by 4p. Saturday haircut, eye brow wax, cleaning, laundry and packing. Sunday leave for vacation on a cruise and will probably sleep the week away because this week:

I CAN'T SLEEP!!!

I'm signing off now, the yawns are coming more frequently and the eyes are starting to water. 4 1/2 hrs til alarm goes off, hope I fall asleep soon or it will be laying on the sofa watching American Idol, since I missed it tonight. I hope I get time to watch it (Tomorrow....i want to sleep tonight) before the finale! Plus LOST fans....season finale tomorrow night! Damm I'm tired! GOODNIGHT!! Hope you are sleeping like a baby and hope I am soon! LOVE YA!

How do you know and damm flipping happy birthday to me

2007-05-13T19:13:00.000-04:00

Why is it that birthdays make you rethink things? They make you wonder and re-evaluate your life and figure out if ths is what you want. Are the things in your life, the things that will make you happy.
How do you know? How do you know if this is what you want out of life? How do you know if this is how it's supposed to be?
I need to re-evaluate my life and figure things out. I need to take a break. I need to take a break and work things out. I just can't take things anymore. I need to know that I'm important. I desearve better. I desearve better than a gift card to the Outback. How personal is that?
So for my birthday, I'm taking a break to re-evaluate my life and for others to re-evaluate where things are going. After a year, I desearve some more thought than a gift card to the outback.
Happy fucking birthday to me!!!!!!!!

WHEN I HAVE NOTHING..............

2007-04-30T21:29:00.000-04:00

I take a survey!! Thanks to Hipchick's post on her myspace page ....you get a post from me

my list.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
yep.....my grandfather (my moms dad...he passed away before my parents even got married)

2. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
nope - 2 younger brother (little one - Jeff baby one - Brian who moved in today)

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
depends - Ilike it in blue ink when I have been writing all day....it's kind of a script print combo

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
turkey breast (not the real stuff) fav sandwhich is a turkey sandwhich on wheat break (not toasted) with swiss cheese, lil mayo, salt, pepper oregano, grated parm cheese, pickles

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
no...but I really want them (starting to have bday blah's....kid thing biting my hiney at 32)

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
sure....i'm a good friend (aren't I?)

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
The better question would be when do you not use it?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
YES

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
nope...but I always wanted to sky dive (can't now...damm brain surgery!)

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
ick....not a huge cereal fan....sometimes crave raison bran and want to try that new chocolate chunk bran stuff they keep advertising

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
never

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
literally in the physical sense - NO in the emotional sense - HELL YEAH!!

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Ice cream makes me sick but after 3 imodium's I love rocky road and Hagendaz mint choc cookie

14. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
their scent (too much perfume or cologne...huge turn-off...cause frankly you're giving me a headache)

15. RED OR PINK?
RED

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
physically - butt emotionally - way too emotional

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Francine - my best friend growing up - supposed to be from womb to tomb (our moms met on a bus when they were pregnant with us).....we don't talk anymore...I tried to be a bigger person she wasn't

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
blue sweatshorts ..no shoes i'm home

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
left-over chicken lo mein

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW ?
vhi special (not sure what I stopped listening)

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
rainbow...all the colors in one crayon

22. FAVORITE SMELLS?
clean

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
telemarketer (damm)

24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
LOVE HER!!

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
tv - none! person - football, baseball and ice hockey

26. HAIR COLOR?
brown

27. EYE COLOR
hazel

28. FAVORITE FOOD?
chinese/japenese

29 . SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
happy endings

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Murderball

31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
navy blue

32. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer at the beach

33. HUGS OR KISSES?
kisses
34. FAVORITE DESSERT?
creme brule (yummy)

35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
no clue

36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
see above

37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
First Impressions by Jude Deverauez

38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
laptop no mouse

39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Desperate Housewives

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND(s)?
laughter

41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES
beatles (hence the name)

42. FAVORITE MUSIC?
love lots...favorite country

43. FAVORITE JOB YOU'VE EVER HAD?
not sure!!

44. CREMATION OR burial?
N/A - death scare the crap out of me

45. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
London

46. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
stupid bar trip - can touch my tounge to my nose

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
New york

48. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
any and all

49. IF YOU LOOK UP JUST OVER YOUR COMPUTER, WHAT DO YOU SEE?
my ugly panelled walls - hate renting

50. BOOK SMART OR SELF TAUGHT?
depends

UPDATES, UPDATES, UPDATES (a.ka. it's all about me!!)

2007-04-09T15:32:00.000-04:00

Ok...lots of changes going on in my life and lots to update....so lets' get rolling

I'm switching jobs. My dream job is to open my own agency working with children with autism. Someone who runs an agency offered me a job helping to run her company so as of June 4, I will be the Associate Supervisor of Autism Services for her company (or some title like that we're still working the actual title out). I am going to working with families, their kids, hiring and supervising staff, writing evaluations and whatever the heck else comes up with these kids. I am going to be in charge of four to five counties. I'm really excited and really nervous. It's a huge step for me and I'm really hoping I can handle it. It's scary, she didn't talk to anyone else about this position, just me and it was really just to see if she can afford me. That's a lot of pressure to be under.
On a sad note that means I'm leaving my current job and especially my team, who I absolutely adore. I am totally going to miss all of our antics, laughs and everything else. But May 25 will be my last day ...sniff-sniff!!
So May 25, June 4 you may be wondering what's going on during the days in between (ok...just a week but still). On Sunday May 27, I will be going on a cruise with Toyota Guy. Scary isn't it? We are going to be leaving out of Baltimore on Sunday, Monday we'll be at Sea, Tuesday we arrive in Bermuda at 7am (dont' know what we're doing during the day...hopefully snorkling...but that night we are going on a 10pm glass bottom boat cruise through the bermuda triangle). Wednesday we're in Bermuda (again not a clue what we're doing...again voting for snorkling...can you tell I love it) and then the ship leave at 5pm...thursday we're at sea and Friday we get back home to BAltimore. It's been very stressful planning this with TG but we're finally planned.
This is kind of huge for me. A vacation with a boy...eek. He keeps joking about what we're going to do if we break up before then....We decided on still go on the cruise and seperate the beds!!! Plus that way I get to spend the whole days at sea laying at the pool, instead of being busy with TG. He's not a lay out in the sun for 10 hours kind of guy so i'm actually going to have to be a little productive those days at sea. Actually the only productive promise I made is that if they have a tour of the engine room, I would tour it with him. (kind of a yawn for me...but I guess I don't want to burn, right???)
Another scary relationship point of interest, especially for those of you have been reading my blog for a while, it's going to be over a year since I've been participating in on-line dating hell. On April 28th, TG and I have been dating a year. You remember this post don't ya: http://whatshappeningnext.blogspot.com/2006_04_01_archive.html (TWO DATES, WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO) It's kind of funny to read back through the blogs for the year of this relationship (dang I used the R word ---i really need to wash my mouth out with soap for using such profanity

So you want more updates --------On May 1, my little brother is going to be moving in with me for a couple of months. His lease expires and his life is pretty much up in the air so he's going to move in with me. Plus side is that he's paying rent by cleaning my house. I had a fight with the owner of my local Merry Maids and fired them. My brother is kind of a clean freak (which I am NOT, not even close) so he's going to pay rent by cleaning my house, including carpet cleaning and windows!!) Plus he'll be a built-in pet sitter for my cruise and any other craziness that comes up with my schedule. Hopefully we won't kill eachother!!

I think that's everything. I can't think of anything else that is up. Hope everything is going well with you!!
-

Pathetic Rant

2007-03-28T21:55:00.000-04:00

Ok...anyone who knows me, knows that my biggest embarrassing secret is that I am a reality show junkie. It's a sickness and I'm aware of it. Unfortunately they don't make reality show junkie support groups or clinics because trust me I'd be put there. So because of this patheticness, I need to rant about one of my shows which actually may cure me of my patheticness. I ahd a nice normal big update that I was going to blog about but my addiction is taking over.

Why is that idiot Sangina still on the show (yes I know I spelled his name wrong but that's what Belltone calls him and it cracks me up)?It makes me sick and annoys me. He forgot the words and what the heck was up with his hair. It's kind of like he's just realized that no matter how much he sucks people are going to vote for him. It's driving me nuts and it's raising my cell bill with all the back and forth texting i'm doing. Plus with Chris gone, I'm pretty much out of my idol pool at work because I picked him to win! Aagghh!!

Someone please help me. I shouldn't be this annoyed over a tv show!!

INEVITABLE

2007-03-12T12:06:00.000-04:00

It's inevitable! That seems to be the story of my life. There seems to be so many things that are starting to be inevitable. Am I ready for them? Am I ready to admit that they are inevitable. Am I strong enough to make the inevitable, inevitable or am I took weak and I'll ruin it before it even happens.
Then what happens if the assuming of the inevitable is wrong? Am I strong enough to deal with that crushing blow.
INEVITABLE --- I really hate that word!!!!!!!

WEEKEND IN REVIEW

2007-02-27T17:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend TG and I drove to New York to visit with a friend from New York who had a Valentine Baby. Shocker of all shockers, we actually stayed with my parents. The three and half hour drive to New York was fun, except for TG complaining about me changing the channel every five minutes. I can't help it, when I drive I like to sing along with the radio so i scan constantly until I find a song I can sing along with. I, also, got a little huffy cause he wanted the dog to sit in the front with him and I wanted him to sit in the back. Looking back that is the silliest thing to argue about. So finally we arrived in New York and spent about an hour talking with my parents and then looking at pictures of when my brothers and I were young. My parents actually let TG and I sleep together on the horribly uncomfortable sofa bed that actually broke on Saturday night. TG went to sit on the end of the bed and fell through (oh, I laughed my hiney off!!)
Saturday we went to go see my friend and her new baby. He was soooo damm cute. I held him for about two hours and, since he's going to be a thumbsucker but couldn't ocordinate putting his hands in his mouth without scratching his face, sucked on my pinky for about an hour. He is so cute and I have to say made me long for having a baby of my own.
Another huge plus of that visit was that we bought pizza over for lunch. I'm sorry but outside of New York, I just can't find good pizza and bagels (had them Sunday morning). It's just not possible, I've been trying. I think it has to do with the water.
Saturday, after the baby time, TG and I spent time with my family which included my mom, dad, brothers and one brothers girlfriend (who just happended to be in New York from Maryland for the weekend also) my grandmother and my aunt. We played a few hours of Imagine If and Apples to Apples. Two really fun games to play with a group of people.
Sunday after bagels, lox, creamcheese and herring, I sent TG out with my dad to the auto parts store. Yes, my boyfriend and my dad the retired ny city cop who hates anyone who dates his daughter went out together ALONE. They were gone for over two hours and TG said they actually chatted the whole time. Haven't spoken to dad yet to find out his thoughts on the outing. My mom, brothers and brother girlfriend stayed home to play games.
Then we hit snow panic! A friend of mine called and told me that it was horrible in Maryland so I paniced and left in a rush. I even forgot to say goodbye to my brother (MEAN HORRIBLE SISTER). Things were okay until exit 5 on the New Jersey Turnpike where I had a little panic attack while driving since I couldn't see the lines and there was no place to pull over safely to let TG drive. Finally I pulled over at the rest stop and made TG drive the rest of the wall. Well, all that snow panic and rushing and we arrived in Maryland to three inches of snow which of course i made TG shovel me out.
Overall it was a really good weekend and a huge first for me, bringing a guy home. Wonder if that means anything???? Scary isn't it? So how was your weekend?

It's my life

2007-02-19T21:08:00.000-05:00

Hi Everyone! I know, I know it's been a while since I've posted and I'm sorry but nothing all that interesting has been happening lately. I haven't been smacked on the hiney in a gas station, bats haven't been applying for a new roomie position, no teeth have fallen out, it's too early for allergies, no new addictions, nothing. If you want to ready about any of those, well read through my archives.
Well for those of you who want to know how things are going in my boring life, here it is.

Job - okay. Very busy this week. I'll be traveling from school to school from morning to night thanks to Maryland being BIG wusses with the snow. Ok..Wednesday when we were stuck in ice, I understand schools being closed but two weeks ago when you could sweep the snow off of your stairs and walkway, Maryland Public Schools you had no business being closed. There are more things I could post about work but people from work read my blog and I'm not ready to go there yet.

Taxes - last year I owed WAY over $2500 to a screw up at my job this year I'm getting back $25. YEAH!!! I told my accountant that I booking my vacation.

Toyota Guy - Things are still going well. My friends keep joking about me having a Star Trek wedding, I keep telling them if they don't quit speaking, if and when I actually get married it's gold lame, feathers and a parasols for them.
For those of you who didn't miss the Star Trek reference. Yeah he's a trekkie. Scary isn't it? Who would think that I, Cosmopolgirl, would date a trekkie. I never even saw an episode of Star Trek until I met him. I have to admit it's not horrible, even maybe on the okay side but not good enough to be a cult and let me just tell you it is. You know that Weird Al song, White and Nerdy, well thats Toyota Guy. Don't think I'm mean saying that. He may have some dorky qualities but HE'S MY DORK!! (damm that sounds mushy)

House - Very cold and very expensive. My gas and electric bill is out the wazoo and I only have the house on 63 degrees. Let me just tell you it's a shivering 63 degrees and shouldn't be. The heat runs constantly. Turns out the circulator is broken so the water isn't circulating through the radiators. What does that mean you ask? Beats the heck out of me. All I know is that it's damm cold and my bill is way to high for it being this cold. My bill is 85 and the tropics not 63 and frostbitten. They sent someone out to look at it. Turns out i need a plumber. Week later they send someone new...STILL NOT A PLUMBER!!! Thursday someone else is coming. Let me just tell you if it's not a plumber, HEADS WILL ROLL!! and that head will be my landlord.

So that's it. That's an update on my life. Maybe a little later on in the week, I'll post more. I do have a Valentine's stroy filled with ice, fondue, stranded in Illinois and frozen buds but I'll save that for later.

BYEEEEEEEEEE

When in a writing block......take a survey

2007-02-06T15:28:00.001-05:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Michelle
Birthday:	May 13, 1975
Birthplace:	New York
Current Location:	Maryland
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	five foot five inches
Right Handed or Left Handed:	righty
Your Heritage:	American
The Shoes You Wore Today:	brown leopard print pointy ones
Your Weakness:	purse shopping
Your Fears:	blood
Your Perfect Pizza:	NY Pizza
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	go back to what I love doing
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	five more minutes please
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	11ish
Your Most Missed Memory:	my old roomie
Pepsi or Coke:	diet pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Neither - Wendy's
Single or Group Dates:	depends on what your doing
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Neither - fresh brewed with a little bit of splenda
Chocolate or Vanilla:	ice cream - peanut butter and vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Mocha-chino
Do you Smoke:	not unless I'm drunk
Do you Swear:	dammit - sometimes
Do you Sing:	badly!
Do you Shower Daily:	definitely yes, sometimes more than once
Have you Been in Love:	not sure
Do you want to go to College:	been there, done that!
Do you want to get Married:	yes!
Do you belive in yourself:	sometimes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yep!
Do you think you are Attractive:	some days I do
Are you a Health Freak:	not at all!
Do you get along with your Parents:	some times, it depends on the day
Do you like Thunderstorms:	don't care either way
Do you play an Instrument:	nope!!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	are you kidding me? Of course I have!
In the past month have you Smoked:	past month, no, past few months yep!
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope. never
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yeps!
&..39;In the past month have you gone to a Mall:'	yeps!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes...and craving it now!
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope!
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope this going fine
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	more times than i can count
Ever been called a Tease:	yeah
Ever been Beaten up:	nopes
Ever Shoplifted:	no but have had people shoplift for me
How do you want to Die:	quietly in my sleep in a very long time from now
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid (hee-hee)
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	any
Favourite Hair Color:	dark hair
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	at least taller than me
Weight:	not too, not too big
Best Clothing Style:	casual
Number of Drugs I have taken:	none
Number of CDs I own:	not sure
Number of Piercings:	2 (one in each ear)
Number of Tattoos:	none- too much of a wuss with pain
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	nothing
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Icky, Icky, Ugly wedding picture

2007-01-30T21:58:00.000-05:00

Ok...you people asked for it! You wanted it~ The very ugly, drunk, fat looking wedidng picture. So here it is! ICK, ICK, ICK!!!!

\

Ok

THINGS ARE OKAY

2007-01-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

Things are okay with me, how are you? They were a little rough for a while and I wasn't sure that things were going to okay but they're looking better.
After lots of chatting with friends, I've come to the biggest issue between men and women and why they fight. It is not enough to say 'I CARE,' you have to show it. The words I care mean nothing without the actions that prove it. Men do it, women do it, everyone does it. So to everyone out there in relationships, any type with a romantic partner, with a friend, with a family member, any type, just remember to show the other person you care. It's not enough to say it, you have to show it. That's the only way the other person knows it.
Just some advice from the girl who's okay!

JUST LEAVE THE PIECES

2007-01-09T17:14:00.000-05:00

Music Video:LEAVE THE PIECES (by The Wreckers)

Music Video Code provided by Video Code Zone

ENOUGH SAID!!!

RESOLUTIONS

2006-12-27T15:56:00.000-05:00

So, with the new year approaching do you make resolutions? Do you make promises to yourself that you may not be able to keep? I don't think that this just happens over the new years. I think people make promises to themselves all the time that they can't keep. But when do you draw the line? When do you stop making promises to yourself that you just can't keep and when do you learn to keep the promises?
Lately, I feel like I've been makibg promises to myself that I'm just not keeping and the truth is that I'm starting to hate myself for it. So I have to figure out why I'm not keeping these promises. Is it that they are just out of reach promises with too high hopes? OR Is it that I just don't want to keep them? OR the scariest one of all Am I just not strong enough to keep the promises? Am I weak?

SIDE-NOTE TO MY FELLOW BLOGGERS

2006-12-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

Because I don't appreciate being lectured on my blog by people who don't even leave their names so that I can comment back, I have decided to no longer allow anonymous comments on my blog. If you would like to comment on my blog, feel free, but identify yourself.
Also, please remember when I blog, it's for me. It's to get out my frustrations, elaborate on my happiness, etc. If you don't agree, that's fine but please don't lecture me because frankly your life isn't perfect either and your thoughts aren't always 100% pure.

THE MEANING OF GIFT-GIVING

2006-12-16T18:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the holiday season. The suckiest time of the year (yes...I'ld like a table for bitter party of one). I am not a holiday kind of person. I really don't like this time of year but I still participate in it. Why do I participate in something I detest? Because it shows that I care. That's really what gift-giving is all about. It's about showing someone that you care about that you care enough that you spend your limited time to go fight the crowds with aching feet to get them something that you know that they'll appreciate it. That's what it's about showing that you care.
So my question is.... what do you do if someone doesn't feel the need to show that they care? Do you just accept it? Settle for something less than you desearve? Yell and scream and cry because you're not appreciated? Or do you just let it go? Let it go, knowing that you are not appreciated, cared about or though about?

DAMM I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR!!!!!!

YEAR IN REVIEW

2006-12-13T20:29:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I haven't posted in about a month. I just haven't been creative lately. I've been reading your blogs, to the few readers I have left, I just haven't been posting comments either. I'm so sorry for that. Well. I've decided to steal this post from Kris. If you haven't read her blog, go do it. She's great!

So this is my year in blog review!!
JANUARY In January, I shut down my blog and swore I would never post again. That lasted all of three days. Which brings us to......

FEBRUARY In February, I updated my blog and gave it a whole new look. It was something to do while I got snowed in at my grandmothers house. Personally, I was at a stand still and needed changes.

MARCH In March, I started on-line dating again. Damm those are some funny blogs. I also had a really hard time when I was screwed in taxes and thought I was going to have to go on the Ramen Noodle diet.

APRIL In April, more bad blind dates. I went through a huge bitter period. People were hiding from my moody self. Then in the end of April, I actually went on a good first date (with Toyota Guy.)

MAY In May, I turned 31 years old. Was bitter waiting for Toyota Guy to actually kiss me and then realized that, damm, I'm a girly-girl and could admit that I like a boy, especially when he calls me from Brew at the Zoo.

JUNE I became an addict and joined LA (aka....LOST annonymous) and went on a cruise with the family.

JULY I whined about the heat, puked on the grassy knoll (aka. met toyota guys family), took my cell phone swimming and finally met two awesome people (Blue and That Girl)

AUGUST In August I whored myself out for Yankee Tickets, cried and cried and cried, and fought a bat who wanted to become my new roommate.

SEPTEMBER I introduced Toyota Guy to my mother and almost got a new job until they decided that they couldn't mpay me what I was worth.

OCTOBER October was all about my accident that sent me on a trip to shock trauma. I'm still dealing with that (or at least my lawyer is).

NOVEMBER In November, I started my inspiration downfall....which brings up to

December i'VE GOT NOTHING. I WILL TRY TO POST SOON!!!

RAMBLINGS OF A GIRL WHO NEEDS TO WAKE UP IN FOUR HOURS

2006-11-17T02:12:00.000-05:00

I cannot sleep. I have been lying in bed for over 3 hours trying to sleep. I have tried reading, which normally helps me calm down to sleep....it's not working. I've tried tossing and turning...it's not working. I have to get up in four hours. I am not a girl who survives on less than eight hours of sleep. Now, I know in the past week, I've gotten more than my share of sleep but I've been sick. Twenty-three hours of sleep when you are sick does not count.
Now I'm just lying awake, sitting in the dark, typing on my laptop.
I know what some of the problem is. When I go to sleep, I normally day dream. I can make up elaborate stories in my head that may never come true but they make for a restful sleep. Tonight, my stories all have unhappy endings. They all end the same way...with me miserable. In a situation that I don't want to be in. It may be inevitable. It may be my minds way of preparing me for what's to come. I can't change my thoughts, they keep leading me down this road. Is it a sign? Or is it just the sleepy ramblings of a girl who needs to be awake in four hours?

MY NEW FAV SONG

2006-11-07T19:45:00.000-05:00

Ok...so do you think it means something? Just kidding, it doesn't. Sorry TG...swear nothing to do with you!! I just love this song!!
Enjoy as much as I do!! Unfortunately I can only find the stripped version but oh well....it's still awesome and probably something I would so do if a guy cheated on me. I think I could be totally malicious and I think it would be totally the best revenge. I am a firm believer in if you would rather be with someone else...GO, I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU ANYWAYS but the meanest thing you can do to someone is cheat on them. It is coompletely disrespectful and you would deserve some disrespect back.
>

fyi: pics come back tomorrow from the wedding!!

BLOGGING, UPDATES AND WHATEVERS

2006-11-05T12:20:00.000-05:00

So I updated my template. Unfortunately, it now took me 5 minutes to figure out how to log in. In order to do so, I must click on my profile, click on the home page and then log-in. What a damm pain. I used to just be able to log in at the top of the page.
As you can tell, I've kind of been in a blogging slump. I can't figure out anything interesting to write about. So, your just getting little tidbits of my life.
Things with TG are going fine. I'm actually blogging from his house at this moment. We are going to a black-tie wedding tonight, a friend of his is getting married. Yep, I'm wearing a fancy dress and he's wearing a tuxedo. I better get some good pictures tonight. Last weekend, we went to a wedding in Phili, a cousin of mine got married. He met the whole family, mom dad and two younger brothers and he survived. So much so that my dad told me to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. I invited but he can't take off the day after and/or the day before so he might not be able to. But I asked which is huge for me. I'll let you know the results.
My dog, Max, is pathetic. He hurt his back leg and is now hopping around on three. It's actually funny to watch but pathetic looking. The scary thing is the damm dog can run faster than I can on three legs than I can.
Well that's it! I can't think of anything else! I'll let you know if there is anything else I can think of!

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF ---- THE SURVEY

2006-10-21T14:36:00.000-04:00

Name: Michelle
Birthday: May 13, 1975
Birthplace: New York
Current Location: sitting in my house
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'5"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
The Shoes You Wore Today: Sandals
Your Weakness: lots of things
Your Fears: car accidents (can you blame me?)
Your Perfect Pizza: I love everything on pizza excepts hots and onions
The Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up: Ick, not yet
Your Bedtime: I try to be in bed by 11, at the latest during the week
Your Most Missed Memory: my old college roommate and the fun we used to have
Single or Group Dates: single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither...unsweetened tea with a little bit of splenda
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino
Do you Smoke: Nope
Do you Swear: sometimes
Do you Sing: badly
Do you Shower Daily: yes!! sometimes twice a day
Have you Been in Love: I think so
Do you want to go to College: No
Do you want to get Married: To the right person
Do you belive in yourself: depends what we're talking about
Do you get Motion Sickness: Yes
Do you think you are Attractive: Some days
Do you get along with your Parents: Define get along??
Do you like Thunderstorms: don't really care one way or another
Do you play an Instrument: i tried the flute, violin, but it didn't work out
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: are you kidding me, of course
In the past month have you Smoked: No
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Not even in the past life time
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yep
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: ick...unfortunately, not a good experience
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yep...this past week....i've become addicted to seaweed salad
In the past month have you been on Stage: no
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: i've borrowed indefinitely
Ever been Drunk: more times that i can count
Ever been called a Tease: Yes
Ever been Beaten up: never been in a fight
Ever Shoplifted: nope but someones shoplifted for me
How do you want to Die: when i'm 105 in my sleep (death scares the sh*t out of me
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I DON'T WANNA GROW UP
What country would you most like to Visit: France and Italy

IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD.....AND I'M THANKING EVERYONE FOR THAT!

2006-10-12T21:46:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about the woman whose car was hit by the dump truck also. The woman whose car was totaled and ended up going into shock by the time the ambulance came. I think about her ALOT. I wonder about her all the time whether she's okay! It's become an obsession.
This evening, I was at a home visit for a client that was rescheduled from last week when I was out recovering. I was watching my client and talking to the mother and the clients technician. When I was getting ready to leave, the mother remembered the accident and asked me how I was and what happened. As I started to explain what happened, the technician stared at me. Then she asked me if I was talking about the accident that happened last Tuesday with the dump truck. I said yes and stared at her like she had just sprouted ten new heads. Turns out she is a friend of the woman who I have been obsessed with. I finally got to find out how she is. Turns out she's okay, home but needs to have surgery on her hip from the accident. I know that's horrible but, at least she was okay.
The mother looked at me and told me I looked like a weights been lifted off of my shoulders and SHE'S RIGHT! I'm so happy to know that she's okay.

Isn't that a weird story!! It's such a damm small...small world and I'M THANKING EVERYONE FOR THAT!

CAR ACCIDENT = PERSONAL HELL

2006-10-07T22:10:00.000-04:00

I am in my own personal hell and it's not even my damm fault. I know that I am a horrible driver. People do not normally allow me to drive and that's fine with me because I HATE TO DRIVE. But the accident on Tuesday (see previous blog) was not my fault but it's still causing me hell.
RENTAL HELL
First of all, the car I was driving was a rental and this is where my hell begins.
When you normally have an accident and it's not your fault, you do not have to pay your deductible. Apparantly, when you are in an accident in a rental you have to pay the deductible and hope that the insurance company pays you back. I HAVE A $500 DEDUCTIBLE. I can't get a new rental car until I pay the deductible (anyone have $500 I can borrow?)
My car won't be ready until sometime this coming week. So basically I've been without a car since Tuesday since I can't get a new rental until I sign papers and pay my damm deductible. That really was fine Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday cause frankly I didn't feel well enough to do anything, anyways. The rental place is only open from 8-6 during the week and it's a half an hour from my house (I rented the car near my body shop). PEOPLE WORK DURING THOSE HOURS AND DON'T HAVE TIME TO DRIVE ME AROUND). So when I spoke to the rental place, they told me that they were open Saturday from 9-1. Not a problem since Toyota Guy said that he would take me. 11:45, TG picks me up today. We drive over to the rental place and, guess what, THEY CLOSED AT 12!. So,tomorrow TG is going to pick me up and I'm going to spend the night at his house. On Monday morning he is going to drop me off at the rental place at a few minutes before 8 since he works five minutes from the rental place and needs to be there at 8.
So basically I'm trapped like a rat in my house.

MEDICAL HELL
I admit it, I still hurt. My back aches, my necks aches and I've had a headache for a while. I went to the doctor on Wednesday (I had an appt anyways) and got checked out (COST $100, ANOTHER AMOUNT OF MONEY I NEED TO FIGHT INSURANCE FOR). I'm doing okay. My doctor wants me to go for physical therapy. Wa-hoo, I have the time for that (NOT) and they'll probably charge me a fee which I'll have to get back from the insurance company.
Also, I look like hell!! My right arm is black from where I had blood taken and my left hand is green from where they put the IV in.

FEAR HELL
I AM SCARED TO DEATH TO DRIVE! I was in the car with TG today and everytime someone put on there brakes, I paniced and tried to press my non-existent brake. I was so freaked out I cried. I have no idea how, when I finally get a car, I am going to drive.

So, basically, I'm going through my own personal hell and the DAMM ACCIDENT WASN'T EVEN MY FAULT!!

YOU CAN CALL ME CRASH

2006-10-04T19:32:00.000-04:00

I have not had a good couple of car weeks, you can call me CRASH!

Two weeks ago, my car was involved in a hit and run accident. The back side panel and stuff dented and scratched.
Last week, I was leaving Toyota Guy's house and the car wasn't moving. I looked down and the parking brake was on (TG just has to put in on....something about otherwise your car being parked by a rubberband...I don't know, I really know nothing about cars). So I turned off the parking brake, the dog nudged me and I side-swiped a park car.
Needless to say, I got a rental car while my car is at the shop.
Yesterday, I hopped on the highway on the way to a meeting but there was tons of traffic. One of the two tunnels was shut down due to an accident. I called Belltone and told her I was going to be running late. No big deal. I finally got into the one working tunnel and drove my way out. Then BAM!!! A dump truck hit me and another girl who was shoved into another car. I CRASHED MY RENTAL CAR!! You know I'd like a say that this is where my story ends but this really can use some comic relief and because these things ONLY happen to me, of course weird stuff happened!!
My neck and shoulder were hurting so I was taken to the hospital in an amublance. While in the ambulance, the guy in the back decided to take me to Shock Trauma due to my past medical history and where my pain was so he has the driver pull over. She climbed in the back to help him hook me up to an IV. Then he told her where we were going and she climbs out of the ambulance. All of a sudden the guy asks her if she knows where shock trauma was. She didn't. SHE CLIMBED OUT OF THE AMBULANCE AND WAS GOING TO DRIVE WHERE?????? It took him five times to explain to her where we were going. FIVE TIMES!!! By the fourth time, I wanted to shout at her where to go and I'm directionally challenged and tied to a board in an ambulance. She finally understands the directions and gets into the drivers seat and gets moving. The guy explained to her that we're going to shock trauma she may want to put on the lights and sirens. SHE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO PUT THEM ON. She had to pull over so he could get out of the back to teach her how. Seriously these things only happen to me!! We get to shock trauma and they're a little pre-occupied. They were having a disaster drill. A DISASTER DRILL!! Their were people (actors) lying around with limbs hanging, branches and other things sticking out of their body. Like if there had been an explosion. I ended up being in shock trauma from 9:30 to 4:45. It was horrible.
I'm doing okay today, just really sore and exhausted! And I have to admit, completely terrified to drive. Luckily I don't have a car at the moment. I need to get my stuff out of the rental, take some pictures and then speak to the rental agency to return that car. Call the agent for the side swiping accident and tell them I need a new rental!!

YOU CAN JUST CALL ME CRASH!!!!!

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!!

2006-09-21T20:25:00.000-04:00

So is it wrong that I am totally cracking up over th fact that I know that a program is going to fail. A little while ago I was offered a job running a new autism program. I'm not looking for a job since I actually like my job but you always need to keep your options open. The thing is that I would have left my job for this postion. It's on the way to being my dream job. My dream job is to open up my own program to help kids with autism become more independent and socialize. This job would have been opening, running, expanding and being the face of a new program. A step below my dream job. I was offered the job and I would have taken it but the pay SERIOUSLY SUCKED!!! I would have been making the same amount I'm making now (which still sucks) but I would have been doing a hell of a lot more work than I'm doing now because it's a job I would have become obsessive about. I would have really had a cut in pay cause I'm doing for a raise in December and I wouldn't have had time to work my part-time job. Sadly, very sadly actually, I had to turn it down. I just couldn't afford to do it. Besides they weren't even offering anywhere near what the job is worth.
I've come to realize that I'm bitter about the whole thing but who cares? They are so going to be screwed. The person they hired has NO real autism experience and NO ability to run the program. I know who she is. Plus, I saw an add that the company put out looking for a part-time person with experience with autism and behaviors. So, basically they hired her and they're hiring a part-time person when they could have taken that money they are going to pay the part-time person and PAY ME who would have had all that experience. You don't need a behavior person for this program if you have someone with experience. You need a once a year hiring of someone to certify staff in behavioral intervention.
I KNOW THIS IS HORRIBLE TO SAY BUT THE PROGRAM IS SOOO GOING TO SUCK AND IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT. I COULD HAVE MADE THIS PROGRAM A HUGE SUCCESS THAT OTHER PROVIDERS WOULD WANT TO EMULATE BUT YOU WERE TOO DAMM CHEAP TO PAY ME. SO GUESS WHAT.......YOU SOOOOO HAVE GOTTEN WHAT YOU PAID FOR!!!!!!!!

2006-09-20T19:07:00.000-04:00

OK SO I STOLE THIS FROM BLUE CAUSE 1. BLUE IS WAY TOO COOL AND HAS GREAT TASTE IN WINE AND 2. FRANKLY I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AND I FIGURED THIS MAY BE INTERESTING TO TRY TO COMPLETE ANSWERS IN ONE WORD ANSWERS. FOR ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME, ONE WORD ANSWERS ARE NOT MY SPECIALTY. I'M AN EXPLANATION/BABBLING KIND OF GIRL. SO...HERE WE GO. LET'S GIVE IT A TRY!

NO EXPLANATIONS!
One Word Answers

1. Yourself: TIRED
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? SURE
3. Your hair? STRAIGHT
4. Your Mother? CRANKY
5. Your Father? GENEROUS
6. Your Favorite Item: DOG
7. Your dream last night: SEXY
8. Your Favorite drink: COSMOPOLITAN
9. Your Dream Car: CONVERTABLE
10. The Room You Are In: LIVING ROOM
11. Your Ex: WIMPY
12. Your fear? DYING
13. Where you want to be in 10 years? HAIPPY
14. Who you hung out with last night? MYSELF
15. What You're Not: RICH
16. Your Best Friend: AMAZING
17. One of Your Wish List Items: HOUSE
18. The Last Thing You Did: EAT
19. What You Are Wearing: TANK TOP
20. Your Favorite Weather: WARM
21. The Last Thing You Ate: FAJITAS
22. Your Life: SPECIAL
23. Your Mood: BLAH
24. Your Body: ICK
25. Your summer schedule: OVER

SO THAT'S IT!!! WHAT YA THINK?

LET'S PLAY FAMILY FEUD

2006-09-12T19:30:00.000-04:00

Why is it when you argue with one member of your family, the whole clan needs to get involved? Family members really need to mind their own business.
The story is that my mother came down this weekend and we ended up getting in a huge fight. We haven't spoken since Sunday night when we ended up having another argument over the phone. Now my whole family is continously calling, telling me that I should be the bigger person and call her despite the fact that my mother is completely in the wrong. Why do I have to be the bigger person? She's the mother shouldn't she be the bigger person. I'm mad....I refuse to budge. So now it's time to play family feud where the whole family feels the need to get involved despite me telling them that they need to mind their own business. Got to love family!!!

THE PARTY PLANNER.....A,K,A, THE BIG SUCKER

2006-09-06T19:07:00.000-04:00

How do I get myself into these things? i really need to learn to say no and not got caught up into things at the moment. What did I get suckered into this time you ask? This Friday I, cosmopolgirl, am hosting a Pampered Chef party at my house. What the heck was I thinking? Invitations have been sent out so there is no getting out of it. Especially because people don't know what the initials RSVP means. For those of you out there in the dark, let me help you out...RSVP stands for PICK UP THE DAMM PHONE AND CALL TO LET SOMEONE KNOW EITHER WAY IF YOU ARE GOING TO THEIR DAMM PARTY!! So basically I've invited 25 people and have heard from about 10. The party is at around 6pm so I have to serve food. Unfortunately who knows how much food I have to serve. What a damm pain! I do not like entertaining at my house. I do not like my house. If I had a nice house I may like entertaining but I don't. It's cosmetically falling apart but people are coming Friday night. How the heck do I get myself into these things??

CAN WE SAY SUCKER!!

BAT IN THE HOUSE

2006-08-28T21:45:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting here downstairs in my living room bawling my eyes out because upstairs in my bedroom is a bat. Yes, you heard me correctly, A BAT!! I was upstairs hanging out in my bedroom, im'ing Phantom Lady and debating about going to bed early when in flew what I thought was a bird. The "bird" kept fluttering around the bedroom so I closed the door and called my best friend and her hubby from two doors down to come over and help me get the "bird" the heck out of my house. In the door they came, armed with two lacross sticks (got to love friends) and up they went to check out my "bird" visitor. Immediately they realized that this was no bird but a damm bat!!! They shut the door and kept looking it in watching it flutter around the room. All of a sudden the fluttering stopped. The bedroom window was opened a crack but I don't know if it got out. I tried calling animal control but they said that there was nothing they could do. They suggested opening a window, shutting the door, and turning on the light. So I've done that! Now I'm sitting on the sofa downstairs, with the animals (dog and two cats) locked in the basement, crying my eyes out.
NOW I'M SITTING HERE CRYING, PISSED AS SHIT AT EVERYONE!! I called my brother to come over, who didn't believe I had a bat in the house. I HUNG UP ON HIM!! I called TG to come over, who said I should come over there cause he was in the middle of something. I can't leave the animals here by themselves. He said he'd call me later. I HUNG UP ON HIM!! I called my dad in hysterics who told me he was on the other line and to hold on. I held uon for ten seconds and then I HUNG UP ON HIM! He called me back about five minutes later and proceeded to tell me the bat is probably gone if I don't hear it fluttering anymoe. I HUNG UP ON HIM! I called Phantom Lady, started talking and became hysterical again so I said goodbye (I didn't hang up on her because she was being sweet but I was hysterical so I said goodbye!)

SO BASICALLY MY TODAY IS I HAVE A BAT, POSSIBLY STILL, IN THE HOUSE! I'M PISSED AT EVERYONE! SCARED SHITLESS! WANT TO MOVE! AND WILL NOW NOT BEING BLE TO SLEEP IN MY BEDROOM ANYMORE! DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE SLEEPING TONIGHT! YOU CAN FIND ME SITTING ON THE SOFA IN A STATE OF HYSTERICS!!!!

NOTHING AT ALL

2006-08-24T21:49:00.000-04:00

Sometimes in life there are tons of things you want to say. You want to say a variety of things to a variety of people in your life but you can't. So you sit there quietly. You hope that they can read your mind but the fact is that they can't. So all you're really doing in sitting there silently wishing. The things that you want to say just can't be said aloud. To say them would admit things that you are just not ready to admit. Sometimes what you have to say isn't the important thing. Sometimes the important part is the response. The response to what you want to say but can't. You really don't want to hear the response or at the least you just don't want to not hear the response. For lack of a response would shake up your world and you're not ready for that type of shaking. So you sit there quietly and just say nothing at all.

I'M AN EMOTIONAL GIRL, I CAN'T HELP MYSELF

2006-08-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

I have been so emotional this weekend. I've cried, laughed, got angry, tired, etc.
On Friday night, I went with Toyota Guy, his cousin's wife and his friend to the Ravens/Giants game. of course the Ravens lost (boo-hoo). That was fun and I wasn't all that emotional. Later on that night I got a little emotional but I'm not ready to talk about that right now. Maybe another post (maybe not).
Saturday, TG and I were supposed to meet Phantom Lady for brunch. When she called at 10:30ish (our agreed upon time) she hadn't showered yet so TG and I took my car to get the emissions test done. It passed but while we were waiting in the tiny enclosed wait room, some woman was wearing perfume so the whole room smelled of the scent. Most perfumes give me a migraine so I needed to leave the room. The car passed emissions (despite my stress of thinking it wouldn't. I don't think TG fully understands how much I don't know about cars (pretty much everything). Well I called Phantom Lady when we getting ready to get into the test, she had just gotten out of the shower and I feel bad cause I think I kind of snapped at her for not being ready - she still beat us there. (Sorry Phantom Lady, I'm having an emotional weekend).
After brunch, TG and I went back to his house and he decided to go play on the computer which annoyed me (I don't know why) so i took a nap. By the time I got up, TG finally got off the computer and took Max, my dog, for a walk. While he was gone, I decided to cut the homemade cheesecake I made. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a spatula to cut it so I used a pizza cutter. BIG MISTAKE!!! The cheesecake crumbled. It looked like crap. Instead of stopping when I saw the first cut was screwing up, I continued. I thought I could fix it. It looked like hell. By the time, TG got back with Max I was crying my eyes out. He, unfortunately, did not handle it well. Asking me why I kept cutting when I saw it was screwing up which only made me cry more. I really wasn't going to bring the cheesecake to his cousins birthday party. All I could think was I was going to look like such an idiot in front of his family. I cleaned up the cheesecake and brought it with us, cried a little bit more in the car and finally pulled myself together before we got to the house. The party was fun. I think I'm doing a lot better dealing with the whole family gathering thing (and I didn't cry which was a good thing this weekend).
Got back to TG's house after the party and decided to spend the night again. Took max for a really long walk. Ok Max and TG ran for a while, I walked I really need to get my flat feet looked at) We got back to TG's house and he needed to transfer money on the computer, which of course annoyed me (I don't know why, like I said I'm emotional this weekend). We went upstairs to watch tv and he fell asleep on the sofa so we went to bed. I was so cold. I was under three blankets and could not warm up. Which kind of spooks me out cause that normally means that I'm getting sick. I really don't have time to get sick. TG was tired and asleep but I was up shivering and mad at him for sleeping. I even cried a little.
This morning we got up, took a shower and I went home. I cried all day today and slept. I accomplished nothing. I have no reason to cry. No reason to be upset. I just am. I think it's cause this will be my first time of the month since I started my new pills. The pills are only supposed to make it four days instead of seven which means I'm due Thursday instead of tonight like normal. I think this is why I'm crying so much. I've seriously been a mess.

ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD JOKES TO MAKE ME LAUGH??

can't think of anything to say

2006-08-09T21:03:00.000-04:00

so i took a quiz!!!

You Are a Fun Girl!

You are all about having fun - and you don't need to drink to have a good time
Sure, you've thrown back more than a few every so often
But getting totally stupid and wasted is not your style
You're the life of the party, by keeping everyone laughing and smiling

Are You a Party Girl?

or two

You Are 64% Girly

You're a pretty girly chick, and you're not ashamed to admit it (or wear pink).
But you're also practical. You can hang with the guys, as long as they're not too gross!

How Girly Are You?

or three:

Your Inner Muse is Thalia

You are most like this playful muse of comedy.
Life is all about laughter to you, and you're a natural comic.
You make people laugh until their sides split.
And you're always up for some play time!

What Muse Are You?

TOLD YA...NOTHING TO SAY!!
oh.....and fyi...Yankees rocked the game and won!!

I WHORED MYSELF OUT FOR YANKEE TICKETS

2006-08-01T19:34:00.000-04:00

before I begin...I must thank HipChick for this title. And yes, in person she is a very hip chick and one of the coolest people i know!

Now back to the regularly scheduled blog!

Yes, I whored myself out for Yankee tickets. I got a call of a friend of mine who works as an usher for Camden Yards. Camden Yards for those non-baseball freaks is the home of the Baltimore Orioles. Yes, I am living in Baltimore now and have been for 13 years now. But I grew up in New York and I am a Yankee fan but I will root for the Orioles when the Yankee's aren't in town.

So Usher girl called me last week and asked me if I wanted free Yankee tickets. Well, duh-huh!!! OF COURSE I DO!! Well Usher girl will get me two free Oriole tickets for this Friday nights game if I bring Toyota Guy to the game. She's heard about him from other friends of ours and wants to meet him. So I have whored myself out for Yankee tickets. I mean chances are I would have asked him anyways since the friend I normally go to Yankee games with hasn't called me in weeks and hasn't emailed me his phone number from when my phone went swimming but I feel so used!!

Other stuff going on in my life?? Thursday night, my cool baby brother who works for 100.7 The Bay, a local classic rock radio station, got me two free tickets to a private dinner/Kansas concert. Very cool huh!! And to top it all off, it's my VERY COOL BABY BROTHER BIRTHDAY SO HERE'S WISHING HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Ok...I'm dust in the wind (hee-hee...like the Kansas reference) and out of here!

GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY MOUTH

2006-07-28T15:21:00.000-04:00

It'll take about 45 minutes and then you'll be out of here. No problem, I can hold it open that long. I got poked, I got prodded. I didn't open up wide enough so they stuck something in to hold it open longer. Thirty minutes passed. More drilling, more poking, more prodding. I still held it open. Fifty minutes passed! more poking, more prodding, more drilling and sticking things in. An hour passed! I'm still open. They're still poking, prodding, drilling, sticking things in and my mouth is covered with some rubber sheet in which the holder kept going up my nose. An hour and a half later, they're still going at it. Drool is laying on top of my face under the rubber sheet, which still has poles going up my nose. Yet, they are still poking, prodding, drilling, and sticking. Two hours later, they're still going at it. I'm still being poked at, prodded at, drilled at, stuck and now I'm being x-rayed.
TWO AND A HALF HOURS, THE APPOINTMENT TOOK!!! I WAS POKED, PRODDED, DRILLED AND STUCK AT! I'm in pain now. My jaw hurts. I'm tired. To top it all off, tonight, I have to go to a Pampered Chef party. Like I feel like going to be social. All I really want to do is take the codeine the dentist prescribed, drink a glass of wine and curl up in bed. But no.....I have to go buy some kitchen junk that I'll probably never use. This stinks!

AND JUST TO WHINE A LITTLE BIT MORE.......MY MOUTH HURTS!!!!

IT'S MY LIFE!! and a birthday

2006-07-25T16:15:00.000-04:00

Ok...for those of you, who keep wondering about what's going on in my life because I haven't been posting about it lately, this post is for you!!!!

Work is going well, still trying to save the world one kid with autism at a time. Maybe one day, I actually will do it and be able to make money doing it. Short on cash lately but surviving!!

This ones for you Kris Things with Toyota Guy are, shocker of all shockers, going well. He's actually a really nice guy. To prove it, he went out with me and a bunch of girl friends from where I used to work to go mini-golfing. It was TG, me, six older women, a teenage girl who is the daughter of my old assistant and one of my old students who has CP and is a daughter of one of my friends. It was a complete catastrophe with us hitting balls all over the course and laughing until we had to pee. TG took it all in, laughed with us, and when I thanked him later for coming wondered why I was thanking him. I'm thinking I must actually like him since I left my travel shampoo/conditioner at his house and haven't really freaked out yet.

Also in the past couple of months, I've finally met Blue and That Girl, both very cool people and looking forward to our next brunch! Let's schedule it!

Got into a car accident yesterday. Some asshole hit me from behind! Cars okay but in need of a back bumper cover. Hopefully he has insurance and they'll cover it!

Had to get a new phone. Unfortunately, they couldn't get my old numbers out of my old phone so if people don't call me I'm not calling you! Because I can't! I don't know your number! Not the best way to weed people out of my life, but unfortunately that's the way it's going to be!

My favorite play, Blood Brothers, is coming to dinner theatre. I talked TG into going with me. Next weekend going to see the Orioles/Yankee game (GO YANKEES!!!) Also going to see the Legwarmers next week.

Oh also learned how to link appropriately when posting. Next step I may udpate my blog and make it a little cooler! MAYBE!!!
So basically that's my life and I'm sticking to it!!

__________________________________________________
AS A SIDE NOTE ---- HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY TO WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT!

GONE SWIMMING, LEAVE A MESSAGE!!

2006-07-19T19:52:00.000-04:00

Some days it just doesn't pay to leave the house. Last night I drove over to Toyota Guys house. It was hot so I poured myself a glass of ice water and put it in the car. I plugged my cell phone into the charger and went driving on my merry way. About ten minutes later I decided to grab a drink...pick up the cup and floating in my cup was my phone...totally submerged!! The phone would not work! I had no screen, no nothing! I got to TG's house and, of course, he wasn't home yet. The truth is that it's not even like I could go to the pay phone and call him because I have no clue what his phone number is. They're programmed into the cell. I have no home number. My cell is my life. I'm completely unreachable.
Today, after yelling at me about picking up my lungs off of the desk, HipChick put my cell phone on her heater. (Yes, it's 90 degrees but our office is so cold you need to put a heater on) I now have a screen but cannot use the buttons. If the phone isn't working by tomorrow I'm going to get a new one. For tonight, MB lent me her phone so the single, live alone girl has some form of communication with the outside world!
So my new voice mail says,
GONE SWIMMING, LEAVE A MESSAGE!!!!

THE WHINY POST

2006-07-18T19:45:00.001-04:00

I'm using this space to whine. Why you ask? Because it's my page to do with as I please. So what's my big whine about today.....
I'M HOT AND TIRED!!!

The weather here in sunny Baltimore has been in the 90's the past week or so. It's been hot and within three minutes of going outside sweat is dripping from my face. Yes, I am one of those people that sweat horribly. Luckily it's only my face so it's not like I'm walking around smelling. It just drives me nuts to have sweat dripping from my face.

Now the problem with all this heat is that I'm exhaustsed. I want to nap all the time. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep while driving. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep while sitting at my desk working. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep while sitting on my couch typing this post. I'm just hoping that all my extreme sleepiness is a result of the heat and not an underlying issue. I do have a past history of an iron deficiency so I've been stocking up on the spinach and red meats. I'm just so damm tired! One of these days I'm going to either get fired from work because someone is going to find me slumped over sleeping on my desk or you're going to find me and my car in a ditch because I've fallen asleep at the wheel of my car. So if you happen to drive in Maryland and see a red toyota lying on the side of the road, please honk and wake me up!! I'd really appreciate it!

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM MY VACATION - FINALLY!!

2006-07-13T20:48:00.000-04:00

Ok...I really don't have time to blog about the cruise. So here are some highlights!
**I had to wake up every morning, when we were on the ship, at 7:30 to be at poolside by 8am so I could get four lounge chairs for me and my family. The rest of them, didn't get down to the pool until after 10**
**The whole week I was gone, it rained in Baltimore. Weather on vacation...SUNNY AND HOT!!!**
**I averaged 6 drinks a day (frozen drink at 12, drink while playing bingo at 4, wine with my dinner, a coffee drink with dessert, the drink of the day at the evening show and a cosmopolitan at night!**
**I don't like free-style dining. I don't want to make choices about where to eat on vacation. My family cannot make a choice without a thirty minute conversation**
**The food on the Norweigen Cruise Line, not that great! The good thing with that is that I didn't gain any weight!**
**The staff on the ship are awesome!! I wish in real life I could raise my hand and get a drink**
**I can float on my back in the ocean for hours (and did so)**
**The gambling at the Atlantis Hotel in Nassau really expensive**
**Flirting with Romanian Blackjack dealers until they blush, gets you better cards ("Come on honey, give it to me!")**
**I play blackjack better with a drink in hand (I swear...one night I was sucking so bad that my father yelled at me to get a drink...my luck changed around!)**
**My mother, aunt and I have NO luck at Bingo but we still play it, every day at 4pm...alcohol helps numb the loser feeling**
**Whenever you go somewhere on vacation, you should bring a camera. I missed a great picture of my rather large father laying on the floor doing the worm. I could have made big money selling that picture to my little brothers!**
**If you need someone to cheer out loud for you, don't asks my family! I got voted off The Weakest Link because my family didn't cheer to vote off the other person. A polite clap does not cut it!**
**Sailing on a cattamaran is awesome!**
**When you go snorkling, bring more than one underwater camera! You're going to just click, click and click, run out of pictures and then see something else that's amazing (like a huge turtle the size of a outdoor garbage can)**
**Going on a cruise with my family, may not be the most exciting vacation, but it's fun. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY PAY FOR EVERYTHING, INCLUDING ALCOHOL!!!**

Well if I figure out how to do it, I'll post some pics but don't hold your breathe on my computer screen. It took me six months to figure out how to link other blogs and still I have trouble with it!

SEXINESS IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER

2006-07-10T13:13:00.000-04:00

FOR ME TO FIND SOMEONE SEXY, THEY REALLY ONLY HAVE TO DO SIMPLE THINGS!
**brush hair out of my eyes**
**massage my shoulder when it hurts like heck**
**be hanging out with all your guy friends and tell me, no matter how sarcastic I've already been to you, that you missed me**
**hang out with my friends, no matter how goofy they may be**
**curl up on the sofa with me with your arms around me**
**give my dog water out of a bottle lid since he seems thirsty in the car, even though you get water all over you**
**be looking at me, every time I turn my head**
**being completely honest, no matter how wacky it actually makes you look**
**hold my hand or touch me in some way all the time**
**share a snowball with my dog**

SO, WHAT SIMPLE THINGS DO YOU FIND SEXY??

I'M BAAAAAAACCCKKKK!

2006-07-03T15:07:00.000-04:00

Hi All!!! I'm tan, I'm relaxed and I'm home!! I'll be getting the pics back on either Wednesday or Friday so I will post then all about the trip!!!!
I'll speak with you then!!!

BERMUDA...BAHAMAS..COME ON COSMOPOLGIRL

2006-06-23T18:38:00.000-04:00

Ok...I know, I know, I have been a complete blog slacker. I haven't posted, I haven't commented but I have browsed just without the time to actually sit down and comment. Please know that I'm thinking of all of you.
Unfortunately for you...I am not going to be able to read, comment, post for another week because.....I AM GOING ON A CRUISE!!!
Tomorrow I will be driving to New York and leaving from the port in NY on the Norweigan Cruise Line to travel to Bermuda and the Bahama's. So from Saturday to Saturday I will be laying out with a book in one hand and a drink in the other. DAMM MY LIFE IS GOOD!!! I do not even care that it's going to be with my parents and aunt. Who cares? A vacation is a vacation!!! However, I promise when I get back I will make a point to sit down, post, read and comment!! I have so much to say and no time. I've puked on the grassy knoll (a.k.a - met Toyota Guy's family...OK...I didn't puke, that's just the name, hipchick gave it. It actually was a lot of fun!!) I hosted my own one woman crusade against an evil company (well not one woman....I could never do it without Independent Girl, Hip Chick, The Not-So-Knocked Up One with The Scary Toys and Beltone. I don't know what I would do without them! They rock to work with and more importantly they rock to be friends with. I've become invisible today (someone almost hit me with their car and I almost hit three idiot teeny-boppers on bikes who think they can bike quicker than I can drive. I went to a wine festival with Blue, Independent Girl, Hip Chick, Toyota Guy and then went to dinner with That Girl and got to meet Cool Kid (who may just be as goofy as I am). Unfortunately I have no time. I'll be back next week and update on everything!!

So........until then......

BERMUDA...BAHAMA'S....HERE COMES COSMOPOLGIRL!!!!!

DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL!

2006-06-06T12:30:00.000-04:00

There are some days he's drives me completely and totally nuts.

How's your car? Have you changed the earl?

(oil...for those of you who don't speak with a Rocky NY accent)

How are your bills? Do you need money? You use credit, why? You'll ruin your credit score!

(Sorry I use credit cards! I can't help it!)

What do you mean you have a date? Should you be dating? You're only 31 years old. You're not old enough to date? What do you mean you have company? Male company? Do I need to get my gun out

(Daughters of New York City cops have it really rough. Though I have to say it is especially rough for those brave enough to decide to take the precious daughters out on a date!)

Do you really need to live four hours away? You could move back to New York and come and live with me and your mother

(sure I'll share the basement with my slacker brother)

What do you mean your 18 years old and want to go into New York City? Don't you know the hot dogs are laced with cocaine?

(True statement from dad, we still talk about it! Yeah cause I'm going to eat a hot dog, walk around and then realize damm I'm high it must be the hot dogs I bought from the guy on the corner....oh wait which corner, they're on every corner!)

These conversations drive me nuts but you want to know something there are days, like today, that he calls and leaves on my voice mail

hello daughter. Call your father! I'm proud of you! Love dad!

(he always leaves messages that end with love dad...like it's a letter!)
To my father I will always be the little girl who he can hold in one hand, whose diapers he changes, who stands up in her crib and sings the McDonalds song "Glasses to go", who sits on the floor playing with her barbies and gets excited when he comes home with a Cabbage Patch Kid Doll he just waited for three hours in a line to get. And guess what I'm so glad for it!!
I'm going to end this email with a passage from an email my father sent me when I was having a rough time. Even though I forget sometimes, I am always happy to be daddy's little girl!

I have always been very proud of you. Since going to college you have always been on your own and despite my meddling you have always handled yourself very well. I have so much admiration for you because you chose a profession dedicating yourself to helping kids and families with great needs sacrificing financial gains that a college degree and masters sometimes rewards people in other professions. I think you are a wonderful and unselfish person doing what you do. You and your co-workers are the real hero's of this world

A NEW ADDICTION

2006-06-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

"I'm going to give you something," my baby brother says to me last weekend. "It's like crack, it's so addicting." I was a little scared but said "fine, what is it." He hands me this package and told me not to look at it until I get home. "Make sure you have time" he says to me. "It will consume you and take over your life" Well guess what he was right. All last night I did it! I came home from work this afternoon and did it! Now, I'm going back for more tonight.
So, what is this new addiction I've latched upon you ask? LOST!!! My baby brother gave me the box set of the first season of Lost! I watched the first four episodes last night. I got home from work today and watched another episode and then had to go out for previous plans with my neighbor. Well now I'm home and guess what I'm getting right to doing in a few minutes. You guessed it....watching Lost. It's sooo good. I have sooooo many questions. I want to know sooo much! I must get back to watching.
Unfortunately I know must wait when finished with this box set until October to see Season 2. How could life be so cruel. And seriously, how can I be so pathetic as to become addicted to a television show!! MUST GO BACK...MUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!

GIRLY-GIRL

2006-05-27T17:24:00.000-04:00

I, cosmopolgirl, am not a girly-girl. I do not spend hours in front of the mirror before I go out. I'm out-spoken and normally say what flies out of my mouth. I have no problem going to the grocery store in my pajama's and a pair of flip-flops. I am probably the biggest pain in the butt girl to go out with. I'm not a girly-girl.
So why the post you ask? Because I, cosmopolgirl, am being a girly-girl. I admit it, I like TG (Toyota Guy). There I admitted it. I like the fact that he calls me every night to talk and say good-night. I like the fact that he's always holding my hand or touching me in some way. I even am, finally, liking the fact that he's really a nice guy and not trying to jump my bones but taking this slow (kind of makes me feel pretty). I, even, like the fact that he called me today while waiting in line for a beer at Drunk At The Zoo (not sure, some event at the Baltimore Zoo where they serve beer and wine).
You know this means something is going to go wrong. It always happens this way...I'm such a darn optimist!
Anyways, so there, gosh darn-it, I, cosmopolgirl, am being a girly-girl and actually admitting that I like a boy. This sucks!

ALLERGINS ATTACK

2006-05-22T19:52:00.000-04:00

For the past 72 hours I have been sneezing, blowing my nose constantly, rubbing my eyes, trying to breathe, wanting to bang my head into a wall and feeling all around crappy. Why have I been suffering and not taking any good meds. I've been living in hell, so that today I could go to the allergist and have him prick me with 80 different needles. He pricked, I swelled and sat on my hands so I wouldn't attempt to claw my arm off. The doctor in turn told me that during the months of April to June, I might as well live in a bubble. Plus as it turns out I'm allergic to peach, pear and apple peels and cats. I have two cats and ate way too many apples out of my Sagria yesterday at brunch with Hip Chick, Independent Girl, That Girl and Blue.
So as it turns out I am going to have to take a whole bunch of meds and allow somebody to shoot stuff into my arm twice a week. Should be fun.
I know this is a hell of a boring post but my arm is itchy and looks like I'm been shooting up, my noses is running, my eyes are watery and I basically feel like crap so I FELT LIKE COMPLAINING! LIVE WITH IT!!

UPDATES (NO CATCHY TAG-LINE TODAY)

2006-05-17T20:45:00.000-04:00

An update on me and what's been going on in my life.

1. I turned 31 this past weekend. According to my baby brother, I am no longer 30 but now I am in my 30's. Kind of makes me feel old to say it but the truth is I feel NO DIFFERENT. 30, 31 who cares??
2. Work is well work! I can't save the world! It sucks! I have to learn to be happy with the fact that I do the best that I can and I can't change the world. You can only do the best that you can. I'm really working towards trying to live with that!
3. Dating life. Well I've been dating the toyota guy for the past couple of weeks. He's a really nice guy and I enjoy talking to him. I just wish he was a little bit more aggressive but I really shouldn't complain about that! I would complain if he tried to jump my bones every second too. The thing is, I really think that he likes me. He may not be trying to jump my bones but he's always touching me (holding my hand, resting his hand on my thigh, etc.) I have to say it makes me feel kind of pretty. I'll just have to work on him aggression or just get over my thoughts that a guy is supposed to be the aggressive one, sexually.
4. Addictions - Survivors over. American Idol only has another week (besides who cares anymore...they've gotten rid of my favorite. I'm going to be so pissed if little Ms. Hot Pants wins). So I'm trying to find a new addiction. Like going to the gym. I go! 2-3 mornings a week I go at 5am and 2-3 days a weeks I go in the evening/afternoon. I have to admit it.......I HATE IT!!!! I have flinstone feet. They are so flat they hurt. When I walk on the treadmill, I want to cry the bottom of my feet hurt so bad. So I've slowed down on the treadmill and walk at a snails pace but I increase the incline until my hiney hurts so bad, I have trouble walking up my stairs when I get home to shower! I'm working on making going to the gym an addiction but it's hard!

So that's what's been going on in my life! Anything new in your life???

ANOTHER YEAR OLDER

2006-05-13T09:37:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE-EEEEEEEE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

I'M GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD, MAYBE

2006-05-11T19:38:00.000-04:00

I truly believe that I can save the world or at least the world that revolves around me. Once you become part of my world, you're there for life and I'm going to want to help you. If there's a problem, I'm going to try to fix it or come up with the solution.
It's part of the reason that I do the job that I do (working with families with kids with autism). I'm going to do everything in my power to help, to make things better for you. It's what makes me good at what I do. I truly care.
Unfortunately, it's also the part of myself that takes the good and the bad home with me at night. I have a lot of trouble knowing that I can't save everybody. I know that just the little bit I can do helps but I want to do more and sometimes, you can't. I want to save everyone and make life better for everyone.
Working with kids with autism, you learn that it's the little steps that count. It helps you find the little accomplishments. The part of you, that is so thrilled because you were only scratcbed three times in an hour, where earlier that month you would have scratched every three minutes for the whole hour. I can become so excited about the tiniest accomplishments that the kids make.
So why can't I be excited about the tiniest differences that I make for these kids and families. Why? Because I want to do more. I can't settle for not doing all that I can do. I can't settle for just doing what I can do, there's got to be more that can be done.
I know that you are supposed to leave work at work, not to bring it home with you. But everyday, my work comes home with me. I think about the kids and the families that I work with while lying on the sofa watching television. In some of the time before I fall asleep I'm going to think about what I can do tomorrow to make things better, to help one person. It's the part that makes me thrilled and excited to be at my job and it's the part of me that makes me cry with the realization that, maybe, it's all I can do!

I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM AND GARGLED FOR WHAT? NOTHING!!!

2006-05-07T21:56:00.000-04:00

How many dates should you have to go on before a guy gives you a real kiss? A kiss where you can actually feel the other persons lips, not one of those quick pecks? How long before it's too long and it's time to give up on waiting for the kiss? What's the line that crosses from sweet to just plain annoying?

GROUPIE

2006-05-02T20:29:00.000-04:00

I, COSMOPOLGIRL, AM A COMPLETE AND TOTAL AMERICAN IDOL GROUPIE!! I love it. Every Tuesday night at 8pm, you can find me sitting on my bed watching American Idol and im'ing Phantom lady (formerly known as the girl who dates the aliens). I love it! I comment on everyone of the contestants. I never miss it. I'm an addict!
How much of an addict am I? First of all, I have seriously contemplated cancelling date number 2 with the toyota guy because we're supposed to go to a concert tomorrow. Tomorrow is the night I find out who gets voted off idol (hopefully Ms. Katherine "hot pants" McPhee.) Don't worry, I'm not letting the obsession get out of control, I'm not cancelling. Instead I'm thinking about taping it and hoping that Phantom Lady will call and let me know who gets voted off.
Reason number 2 I am a complete idol junkie! I want to go see them in concert. I am trying to convince Phantom Lady to come with me. They are coming to DC on a Friday. That would mean I would have to take off work (like I said I'm working on controlling my addiction). However, the American Idols will be in Richmond, Virginia the next night. My idea is that we drive the two hour trip, see then concert and stay at a hotel room. I really, really want to go. I am a complete and total idol junkie!

TWO DATES....WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO!

2006-04-28T17:41:00.000-04:00

Hopefully have a hell of a good time. But if history repeats itself, I'll probably want to throw myself in front of a train by the end of the weekend.

Date one, tonight I think, is with the Toyota repair guy. Which if you ask me could come in very handy since I drive a Toyota Corolla that needs some repairs. Think I could suggest that as a first date or do I really have to wait, at least for the third date. You know, on the third dates, guys are expecting to have sex (personally I don't have a magic number but feelings have to be involved...can you have feelings on the third date). But, anyways, think I could flirt and say that I think it's really sexy to watch a guy work on my car and get my car fixed?????
If I'm being honest, I'm kind of nervous to meet this guy. I've really liked talking to him on the phone. We've done it enough, about 2 hours every other night for the past two weeks. I finally had to ask him out. Apparantly, he was getting to it but is just a little slow. Which means that he needs to chose the place because I was made to be ungirly and ask him out. I think we're supposed to go out tonight. We made tentative plans but nothing set in stone. I was talking to him on Wednesday but I think I fell asleep while talking to him. Today he left me a message while on his lunch break apologizing for not calling me on Thursday and that he would call me when he got off work. So, I'm thinking we still have plans, who knows? I'm actually hoping it goes well but......as I said....who knows?

Date #2: The anethesiologist (still not sure about spelling). Spoke to him once on the phone and then he emailed me about going out for coffee. We're meeting tomorrow afternoon for coffee. I'm so not sure about this guy. He's self-proclaimed high-maintenance. He doesn't wear jeans, won't leave the house in sweats, gets weekly massages and manicures, plus won't go out to eat in dives. I don't think we're going to get along. I've been known to go to the grocery store in my pajama's to get creamer in the morning. I'm a jeans kind of girl. I bite my nails. I AM NOT HIGH-MAINTENANCE! This should be interesting!

So that's my weekend dates. I'll fill you in after the weekend! We'll see! If not, the jewish convent is accepting applications!!!

THE BIG THREE'S

2006-04-26T20:16:00.000-04:00

Ok! I've got nothing. Maybe I'll have more this weekend after a date with the Toyota guy and the anethesiologist (is that even how you spell it. So, I stole this from

Blonde

.

3 Names U go By:
Cosmopolgirl, Mich-mosh, 'Chell

3 Screen Names U Have Had:
Cosmopolgirl, csmopolgrl, and a screen name that contains my name

3 Things U Like about Yourself:
hmmm......my eyes, i'm fun, and i'm sweet

3 Things U Don't Like about Yourself:
my weight, my big bootie, and that i take things way too personal

3 Parts of Your Heritage:
Jewish, latvian, and american

3 Things that Scare U:
BLOOD, BLOOD, AND that I'm going to fall down the steps, break my leg and nobody finds me for days

3 of Your Everyday Essentials:
music, body lotion and a cup of coffee

3 Things U are Wearing Right Now
a tank top, a blanket and my laptop in my lap (does that count?)

3 of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
Bon Jovi, Maroon 5 and lately, Michael Buble

3 of Your Favorite Songs:
Somethings Got To Give - LeeAnn Rhimes
Secret - Maroon 5
I Want To Home - Michael Buble

3 Things U Want to Try in the Next 12 Months:
ygoa, a dance class, and swimming with dolphins

3 Things You Want in a Relationship:
humor, honesty and passion

3 Things about the Same Sex that Appeal to U:
kindness, softness, and stregnth

3 Things U Just Cannot Do:
lift my left arm over my head (medical issue), hand stand, and hit somebody

3 of Your Favorite Hobbies:
drinking, reading and yacking with friends

3 Things U Want to do Really Bad Right Now:
sex, sleep and warm up (house is freezing)

3 Careers U are Considering:
running my own business helping children and families with autism, motherhood, and being a rich guys mistress

3 Places You Want to Go on Vacation:
any place with a beach

3 Kid's Names:
none for me but when I do: Madeline (my favorite), Gabrielle, and Austin

3 Things U Want to Do Before U Die:
fall in love, have a baby and have sex in a totally illegal place

3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Boy:
I love to hang out in bum clothes, i'm a slob and i bite my nails

3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Chick:
I'm obsessed with shoes and pocketbooks, i can cry at the drop of a hat and I love to get pedicures

That's it all about me! I'll post more this weekend

THE UN-WOW FACTOR

2006-04-18T21:35:00.000-04:00

I think I'm finally realizing what my funk has been about. Nothing has made me go wow in my life.

FOR EXAMPLE
1. Birthday blah's- my birthday is coming up in a few weeks. I'll be 31. I know, I know, 31 is not old but I hate birthdays. They always put me in a funk, especially knowing that my life is not where I thought it would be.

2. Financial - I'm in a financial slump. No, I'm no where near being homeless and that would never happen. I always have my family to fall back upon and I had to this year. There was just too much going, financially, on and I borrow money from Daddy so I wouldn't end up owing the IRS triple in interest. By now, I shouldn't have to fall back on daddy. I swore after I graduated from grad school and after my first year teaching where I fell onto hard times and had to borrow money from daddy, that I would never do it again. I needed too do it and I did. However, I shouldn't have to anymore and it makes me feel like shit!

3. Personal life - well you read this blog (or if not, read the archives). I sick and tired of going on bad first dates that never lead anywhere!

4. work - I love what I do but my company is partly responsible for my financial crisis and I'm bitter. I'm trying to get over it because, like I said, I love what I do but it's hard! I admit it! I resent them!

5. Pets - My one cat who was in a crate because she wouldn't use the litter box, escaped from the crate and was being so friendly that I didn't want to put her back in the crate. She wasn't using her litter box but I have another cat with a seperate litter box so I thought maybe she was using his. This weekend, due to complete boredom, I was cleaning (yeah...shocker, shocker). I have a huge bag filled with scrap booking stuff (I love to do just don't take enough pictures to actually do it). The bag of stuff is worth about $70, I would assume. I think the kit was about $150 but I've used some. The bag was, apparantly, used as a giant little box! Into the garbage all that stuff went. Guess who's back in her crate???

Other - well, there is no other! Nothing is going on!

So that's my life. Nothing is making me go wow, I'm hoping to find something soon! I'm sure everyone I know is hoping I get out of my funk soon too! The plus side, you no longer have to duck, I'm not angry, just very un-wowed and blah!
Hopefully I'll have some happiness soon!

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN OF HOLDING HER TONGUE

2006-04-13T20:45:00.000-04:00

All hail the Queen! That's what I am, the queen of holding her tongue! I am in a horrible mood. I've been in a horrible mood all week. Everybody knows it! It's not like I've been hiding it. I've warned everyone.

So, why does everyone feel the need to piss me off. You've all been warned! Every where I turn someone has been saying that something to piss me off. The thing is everyone has been saying things that I could make a smart ass comment back to them. Things that would hurt their feelings so I've holding my tongue. I counted, five people either im'ed me, emailed me, spoke to me or call me with a shitty comment. Comments that have annoyed me to the point where I've wanted to respond and in the mood I've been in, the responses wouldn't be nice. But I've held my tongue. I've been nice, ignored, or have exited the conversation quickly. I'm going with the theory that I'm just being overly sensitive and that I'm not, in normal moods, a doormat that most people just walk all over. Well, hopefully my shit mood will lift soon and I'll find out!!

DREAMS

2006-04-11T18:54:00.000-04:00

He stands in front of her, so close that she can feel his heart beating through his chest. Finally, she thinks, he finally going to kiss her. He slowly moves that piece of hair out of her face, the one that just won't stop falling. As he's moving the hair, his fingertips gently brush her cheek. She feels her knees buckle, not sure how long she can handle this moment, how long she can remain standing before her knees collapse from the pure exileration of the moment that she's been waiting years for. He moves his face closer to hers, she can feel his warm breath on her lips. She feels her breath catch. It feels like this is the last breath she is ever going to take. He moves closer, she knows it's coming, finally she's going to feel his lips on hers. Never before has the expectation of a mere kiss made her feel so alive. And then.......

She wakes up and comes to the conclusion that she needs to give up this fantasy because it's all it's ever going to stay as. A fantasy that will never become reality and it's time to move on and find something that is going to make her feel alive, as alive as this dream makes her feel.

POOR POOR PITIFUL ME

2006-04-07T20:13:00.000-04:00

Just an fyi before you start reading, this is a pity post for me, so if you don't feel like listening to it, come back at another time. Frankly, it's my blog and I'll blog what I want to.
It's all about poor, poor, pitiful me and I am being literal. I have no idea what I'm going to do. The hits just keep on rolling. I owe TONS of money to Uncle Sam. Trust me, if you think your owings are bad, compared to mine, you owe nothing!!!
Then last week, my front cap that I got when I was 12 when I fell flat on my face going up concrete steps my first year at sleep-away camp, fell out. I now owe big bucks in two weeks when they put the permanent cap in.
Then to top it all off, a dent and scratch show up on the side of my car. When I called Geico they told me to make a police report. The police said it doesn't look like it was hit but that it was intentionally done. So some idiot damaged my car and I still have to pay the damm deductible. Needless to say the hits just keep on rolling!!
So now I'm poor and need to save up some money. I am not allowed to go out for dinner. I cannot go out for cosmopolitans! No shoe shopping! I am just going to have to stay home and twiddle my thumbs!! This sucks!! I'm going to be so bored! Life sucks! Like I said, it's all about poor, poor, pitiful me!! Ok, I'm off to go wallow in self pity! Talk to you soon.

Another fyi: funny, peppy, cheery, cosmopolgirl will be back, I promise!!

ANOTHER NIGHT OF TORTURE A.K.A. - The date with the jackass of a title attorney.

2006-04-01T22:27:00.000-05:00

Why do I put myself through this type of torture? So, I went out tonight with the Title Attorney. We met at the Cheesecake Factory. He brought me a present. A card that shows whether you should hit or stand during blackjack since I had talked to him on my way home from Atlantic City. We had talked about my dad teaching me to play blackjack. He got me this card so I wouldn't make stupid bets and so I wouldn't get beat up for making stupid hits. I thought it was sweet and he was joking abut him beating up/acting rude to people who made what he considered stupid bets. BOY WAS I WRONG!!
Cheesecake Factory was a two hour wait so we walked over to Capital City Brewing Company. He starts talking about going to an Orioles game on Friday. So I ask him who they were playing and he responded that he didn't care and asked me if I was a fan. I explained that I root for the Orioles when the Yankee's aren't playing. He proceeded to tell me that he throws peanuts at people who root for the enemy team. (OK) He then proceeds to tell me about some Maryland kid who went to Duke to play basketball and when Duke came to Maryland, his mother, a native Marylander, went to the game and rooted for her son. This woman, apparantly, got hit in the head with a water bottle and suffered a concussion. This guy thought she desearved brain damage and not just a concussion for rooting for Duke in Maryland. (Can we say jackass?).
He then went on to talk about teachers being able to use corpral punishment. children should be on leashes, social workers are bleeding hearts. It was just one shitty comment after another. He also used a whole bunch of yiddish terms, that I have to admit I'm not 100% sure what they mean...I'll have to ask Independent Girl on Monday, but I don't think they are meant to be used nicely. At one point, I really just wanted to ask him if there was anybody he liked. He just kept making these horrible generalizations about people. It was awful!
Normally on bad dates I talk too much. Ok, I'll admit it, normally, in general, I talk to much. This date, I barely said a word. I was just too much in shock by what was flying out of this guys mouth.

***Note to self, when going on these dates, make sure you go someplace where you don't have to pay for parking! There is no reason I should have to shell out any money to be tortured!***