Things I type because I can't say them
It didn't have to end up this way. It could have been better. Things could have worked out but you just couldn't speak. I don't understand it. I don't understand how you can be an adult but you can't speak about what is going on. You'ld rather just sit there with the big elephant in the room. I wanted to go on Saturday. I really, really did but what would it have accomplished. I probably would have walked away crying.
I keep thinking that I'm okay, I'm done crying. It'll be days and the tears have stopped and then all of a sudden for no reason they start again. I'm tired of the flowing. I'm tired of feeling so out of control.
If I were to at least know why things ended up this way, I may be better. I may be able to move on with my life. But I dont' know and you won't tell me. So I sit here and type these words for people I don't know to read them because the person I want to say them to won't speak.
Anger - I don't like this feeling and I don't like that I can't get the anger out. It's not fair. Why do you get to be fine and I get to cry. Why do you get to hear my thoughts but I don't get to hear yours. It's just not fair. I didn't do anything to desearve this treatment and if I did, I don't know it because you won't tell me. Why can't you just talk to me. Even if it doesn't resolve anything because I do realize that we may just be in two different places at this time, at least words make things end.
I am so angry that I can't call you when things go on. I'm so angry that you've taken 15 months of my life and it was worthless to you. It meant nothing and I don't want to hear that this is hard for you to because if it was you'ld speak, you'd be an adult and talk about things but you won't. You'll take the coward way out. Just like you took the coward way out to end this. You made me take this break thats really just a break up because you couldn't do it yourself. Why are you making me hate you? Why can't you be an adult in adult relationship? Why do I have to type in all my feelings to strangers instead of saying them to you? Why can't I be strong every day? I am so angry that you took fifteen months of my life and you can just walk away without saying a word!
posted by cosmopolgirl @ 7:49 PM
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