Lost Girl

Somewhere, and I can't pinpoint where or when, I've lost myself. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror and have come to realize that I'm not happy with the person I'm looking at in the mirror. I'm still a good person, daughter, friend, etc. My morals are still in tact. However, the outside me and the caring about me is lost. I've been complaining lately that all I do is work but really that's my own fault. I seem to have forgotten who I am, except for work. I don't know if it was when I was being comfortable in being in a long-term for me relationship. Whether it was losing that comfort. Whether it was taking a new job with more responsible and having to focus on learning that. Or whether it was when I broke my ankle and had to be confined to live with my mother for three months. More likely it was just a combo of all those things and more but a gradual change. Since I can't live like this anymore and I am definitely one who feels the need to change things that just wallow and live with them. I'm going to start working on it and start focusing on me.

1. I went shopping on Saturday night and bought new make-up. I'm going to make it my point to put on make-up every day that I leave the house.

2. On Thursday, I'm getting a whole new do and getting my wild and crazy eye brows waxed.

3. This weekend, I am going to turn the empty room in the basement into a gym. Time to pull out the treadmill and slowly start working on that. I say slowly because my ankle is still recovering. I'm also going to start doing pilates again which will be gentle on my ankle.

4. Since I've just done my taxes and am actually doing pretty well this year. I'm going to take a little bit of it and go shopping. I've decided it's time to stop buying cheaper clothes that are just going to have to be replaced every year and instead buy simple more expensive pieces that are made well.

I know that all this stuff sounds so shallow but sometimes you just need to fix the outside. The better the outside, the more it will seep into the inside. I just need to start caring more about myself and like the person again I'm looking in the mirror at.

All work and no play is making cosmopolgirl a cranky girl

In the past four weeks, I have had two days off. The first day off was Superbowl Sunday. Unfortunately, I had to go to my boss's hubby's 50th suprise bday party. Had to leave the house at 12 to get balloons and then go to the party. So first day off, I accomplished nothing. The other day off was this past Wednesday but that seriously does not count because I was supposed to work but cancelled because I had a migraine. Basically I spent the day in bed.
The reason for this post, I'm cranky. I need something in my life besides work. Not that I have time for anything but work. I shouldn't complain, I did have three months off due to a broken ankle but still. My job isn't always like this, it's really just now like this because I need to hire some staff in one county so I've been helping a family out and we've had staff meetings.
The positive, staff meetings are over until trainings in April, I am interviewing three possible candidates next week and next Sunday I'm scheduled for a day off.
However, now I have to go shower and got over to work with a kid from 12-3(maybe 4, depending on how motivated I am. At this moment I really don't even want to go)

THERE REALLY NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING MORE TO LIFE THAT WORK, DOESN'T THERE????

My personality profile - Agreeableness

So the funny thing about this eharmony thing is the personality profile. The scary thing is that I think some of its pretty close on point, some not so much but it's interesting reading,So, I'll spend the next week posting to you parts of my profile
(my comments in bold)

Agreeableness

You are best described as:
TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF


Words that describe you:
Fair
Considered
Collaborative
Responsive
Sensible
Diplomatic
Contemplative
Indulgent
Rational

A General Description of How You Interact with Others
You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able.

You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don't take good care of yourself, you'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion. You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself. except that I haven't had a day off in three weeks, trying to take care of others

When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty. This has taken a long time to learn but I do think I'm getting better at this

You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to you. It's frequently a win/win situation. Basically, I stress until I come up with an answer

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
For people who are ruled by tender-hearted compassion, your more diplomatic response to problems might seem too cool, too focused on fairness and not filled enough with sympathy and selflessness.

For them, when someone's life is on fire, what is needed is not collaboration but rescue. And the person who experiences their life on fire may resent the time you take to contemplate. "I need you, and I need you NOW! This isn't about fairness, it's about the fire." "All deliberate speed" may seem too deliberate and not fast enough, either to the more compassionate or to people in genuine trouble.

At the other end of the spectrum of compassion, those who believe people should take care of themselves may find even your thoughtful sympathies too soft. They expect people, themselves included, to work their own way out of trouble. They are convinced that the helping hand you lend just fosters dependence and is not good for the development of character, either in you or in the person you assist. I find this more than the other

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many people, perhaps the majority, will come to appreciate your balance as a compassionate person. The more they get to know you, the more they will admire your thoughtful compassion for others and its compliment in the sensible ways you take good care of yourself. hey I'm balanced....yeah right??

Those whom you help will appreciate the way you leave them with their dignity by expecting them to collaborate in their own rescue. Those who are more tender-hearted will find in you a balance they lack; when they've run out of energy because they fail to take good care of themselves, you will still have enough compassion left to lift others out of trouble.

Even the tough-hearted, those who believe people should solve their own problems, might come to admire your tenderness which they don't find in themselves. So the people you help will be grateful, and the people who see your balance between self and others will admire you. Certainly, balanced is not bad at all as a way to be known among your friends.

In Harmony with eharmony????

So I've decided it's time to get back in the saddle again. My foot is sorta healed, meaning I don't really limp around like a moron until the end of the day. (on a side note as soon as the swelling goes down and I can fit into shoes other than sneakers I'm have a shoe-fest) I'm just feeling like my life is together enough to start dating again.
So I've done it again. I've signed up for on-line dating. This time, however, I've decided to post a profile on eharmony. So far I've gotten 15 matches since Thursday. However, five of them have sent me closed messages for "I'm pursuing another relationship" and "other" reasons. What "other" means is beyond me? The other 10 I haven't heard from yet. I did make the first move because I figured why be coy and wait for them to contact me first. So we'll see what happens! Wish me luck, I'm sure I'll start having some good stories to tell!!

GOOD-NIGHT MY LOST LOVE

Ever wonder whether there’s a big neon arrow in the sky pointing to your head flashing “Wacko’s welcome.” Really, is it me? Single girls out there must know what I’m talking about. My dating life (or lack there-of) seems to be a big giant joke.
So, TG and I are broken up, been that way since summer-time. I’m great with it. Perspective gained: I deserve a hell of a lot better but I will not completely cut him out of my life because he’s a really good Toyota mechanic who works on my car for cheap. I know that’s kind of sleazy of me but I drive for work, A LOT. I need an oil and filter change every other month. Jiffy Lube $39.95, TG $10. He only charges me for parts plus throws in a whole hell of a lot of stuff with it. So when he instant messages me, I chat. I say no every time he asks to come see my house, I say no every time he asks if I want to grab something to eat, I just say no. Since the “break-up” I’ve become friends with his friend, who will otherwise be known as Hot Uncle B. (There’s daddy B too, another friend of TG’s I’ve inherited. Sometimes I think Hot Uncle B and Daddy B share a brain). I was on a two hour phone call with Hot Uncle B a couple of weeks ago for a while (it was a snowy day and he was stuck in traffic) when he, out of no-where asks me if I’d get back together with TG. No thought….just a big hell no on my part. (I think I was a little bit more tactful but, maybe not). I told him that I just think that TG needs to grow up and I deserve better, he completely agreed and understood (Hot Uncle B just got separated can’t date him YET). So, since he brought it up, I asked, why the sudden interest? Apparently TG must have said something about missing me and a whole bunch of b-s like that.
Fast forward to super bowl Sunday. I went to my boss’s hubby’s surprise bday/super bowl party. Got there at 2, by half-time I was exhausted and went home after half-time. So I’m home, goofing around on the computer and I start get a whole bunch of text messages from a drunk TG. He was watching the super bowl with a bunch of friends and wanted to see how I was doing. I texted him back, I’m fine, okay, okay, okay. Then things start getting weird cause I asked why he was texting me when he’s hanging out with friends? Cause he misses me. WHATEVER! I told him “not appropriate” and it’s time to move on with his life, I have. So I get I’m sorry texts, I’m drunk, forgive me. Then I went to go take my shower before bed. Back to the phone, after my shower, a text from TG that says “Goodnight my lost dear.” What the hell is that?
Now, I don’t know what to do. Do I ignore it and continue to im him when he im’s me so I can continue to get cheap car service or do I need to just suck it up and find a new mechanic. I don’t want to get back together with him. I’ve moved on. What do you do when you’ve moved on but someone else, apparently, hasn’t? Is it my problem to do something (or not do anything anymore) or is it his problem? Questions? Questions? Questions?

On a side note, I’ve started internet dating again so my blog should start to get interesting again. Stay tune…story later this week about the weird phone call I had yesterday with the “Jew from Texas.”